Golden Corral Greatest Hits

I have a strange relationship with Golden Corral. Strange, because I don’t really like the food but I do love going there. My world is always filled with people who have worked at Golden Corral. And I just have a great deal of odd memories dealing with GC. There are many things to remember and rules and guidelines to follow when deciding to dine at Golden Corral and I will share them with you.

All You Can Eat

One fine summer day, a couple of my friends and I decided that we wanted to actually go and eat “All You Can Eat” at a Golden Corral Buffet. We came in and decided to take it nice and slow. The first couple of hours went by fairly smoothly. Actually the whole day wasn’t too bad at all. We sat and talked about dumb stuff all day while going back for more “Technically Pizza” and “Aged Macaroni And Cheese”. We went through 3 shifts of servers, countless drink refills and probably 30 plates of food each. We did it just to be able to say that we had done it. As if the all day Corral-a-thon wasn’t enough value, there is a sweet trick to getting a steak dinner. If you are not staying for breakfast, lunch and dinner, then go at 3:40 in the afternoon. As you may have guessed, the steak is cooked starting at 4:00. You get the dinner food at the lunchtime prices.

You Are Never Alone In the Bathroom at Golden Corral

I was in a Golden Corral one day when I suddenly had to drop a deuce. As I got up to go, my friend told me, “You are never alone in the bathroom at Golden Corral.” I laughed at that and continued on my way. When I got in there, I saw a man washing his hands and thought, “Well I am not alone now, but he will leave soon.” I went into the stall and waited for the man to go as I felt it was going to be a noisy one, if you know what I am saying. He headed for the door and I thought I would soon be alone. As the door squeaked while closing, it suddenly stopped and made the opposite sound. “Wow, I am still not alone. Someone else is in here. That’s funny.” Then the door squeaked while 3 more people came in. I thought maybe the S.W.A.T. team was coming in to get me. I thought about waiting out the storm, when a couple more people came in. One of them went to the stall next to mine. He got comfy and then I heard one of the strangest things I have ever heard in my life. The man was relieving his extremely loud intestinal pressure while at the same time saying, “OoooooooaaaaaaaoooouuuuuuHHHhhhh”. I almost busted out laughing and would have if I hadn’t been so frightened by the fact that the plumbing was rattling. It felt like he was going on for a solid minute so I went ahead and and through my snap-pop firework under the cover of his daisy cutter bomb. You are never alone in the bathroom at Golden Corral. If you think you are, you can rest assured that there is a camera or a U.S. Senator hidden in there with you.

The Food Always Changes

Sometimes the macaroni and cheese actually tastes like macaroni with cheese. One time I even had some respectable “Technically Pizza”. The taste of the food can change drastically with each batch that is cooked. This is part of the magic and allure of Golden Corral. If you tried some mashed potatoes earlier and they tasted like pre-chewed french fries you may be surprised at the next batch that comes out. Tastes also change from location to location. If I have a burger from McDonalds in Florida and one in Seattle, they will both be equally nauseating, but at Golden Corral all past experiences must be thrown out and new levels of nausea can be reached.

Play With Your Food

Because the food is so unpredictable, you don’t have to feel guilty about starting a food fight with a bad round of side dishes. One of my friends let my brother and I in on a little magic trick that makes it appear that you are bouncing a dinner roll off of the floor and high into the air. One day while dining at the aforementioned establishment, we all took brownies from a tray that had apparently been baked using rubber cement. As I commented about the bouncy texture of the brownies, my brother began to do the bouncing trick. He did it a couple of times just for the amusement of those of us who were at our table. As he did it, I noticed that my brother now had the attention of the children at all the tables around us. I told him to keep it up. He began to really get some air up under those brownies and with a few more good throws, everyone in that section of Golden Corral was watching him bounce brownies and several people were laughing at the spectacle. Now how about that? Dinner and a show.