1. “Stop attributing quotes to me falsely.” – Albert Einstein (He didn’t really say this. That’s where the irony comes in.)
2. When someone asks me if I want cheesecake, it sounds so much more appetizing than if it was called cheese pie.
3. When it comes to web design, you can’t beat spiders.
4. I am bound and determined to make a time machine. So I will occasionally look around to see if I figured it out yet.
5. If we evolved from monkeys, why don’t I have thumb feet? Thumb feet are much better than big toe feet.
6. If anyone has an extreme phobia we usually have an understanding and empathetic view. I feel sorry for people with homophobia, no one helps them out in their terror.
7. Why don’t any restaurants serve sloppy joe’s?
8. An added bonus of Christianity is that you have more weapons against vampires.