With OJ Simpson being sentenced today I thought this would be a good time for me to travel into the future to see what is in store for him. As I looked around the future I was shocked when I found a newspaper dated April 23, 2019. The newspaper relayed the following details:
OJ Simpson knew what he was doing when he held up those sports memorabilia dealers in the Las Vegas Hotel. He had previously mentioned that he was on the hunt for the real killer of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. He had tracked the killer to the Nevada State Penitentiary. Knowing that no one would believe him without good hard evidence, he decided to concoct a plan to land himself in prison where he could search out the real killer. After being incarcerated for a few months he had his eye on a powerful gang leader that everyone lovingly called “Extra Cheese”. OJ could not get close enough to him without getting through the gang gatekeeper “Tiny-Hands McStabby”. After befriending Tiny-Hands and Extra Cheese he would hang out in their cell with them and talk for hours. One day OJ noticed a slap bracelet on Extra Cheese that seemed familiar. He called his man on the outside, Kato Kaelin, and asked him to bring him some old photos by the prison. Sure enough Ron Goldman was wearing the slap bracelet in one of the photos. Now more convinced than ever he hatched another plan to get the evidence.
On the predesignated day he started a fight with one of his hotel hold-up buddies over who is the greatest running back of all time. The fight soon escalated into a full scale prison riot. In the confusion he spotted Extra Cheese across the cafeteria. He had the slap bracelet on and had something dangling out of his pocket. OJ hurdled across the cafeteria faster than he ever ran through the airport. He dove at Extra Cheese and snagged the bracelet and the item hanging from his pocket. To his surprise the item was a ziploc bag filled with Nicole’s blood stained hair with Extra Cheese’s and Tiny-Hands McStabby’s fingerprints all over. Suddenly it all came together. The gloves that wouldn’t fit made so much more sense now as the gloves had belonged to Tiny-Hands. This find infuriated Extra Cheese and his band of gangsters. OJ was going to have to pull out the greatest run of his life to get out of this one. He began to head towards a gate that was closing with his old legs pumping as fast as they could. A couple of guys jumped at him but he broke their tackles and proceeded onward. He made it to the gate just before it closed capturing Extra Cheese and Tiny-Hands on the other side with mayhem surrounding them. OJ made it to the warden’s office and presented him with the evidence. Unfortunately for OJ he never told the sports memorabilia dealers what his plan was because he wanted it to seem more real. He was not released from prison as he was still guilty of the crime he was in there for.
:Isn’t that amazing. I can’t wait until 2019 so everyone else can see it.
After his whole, “If I had done it,” book, I’m glad he finally did something to get himself in jail. Judge Ito. Defense lawyer. Tons of money.