Say it First

I have spent a lot of time around manipulative and confrontational people and have noticed a few of their go-to weapons for different situations. One such weapon is to use a key phrase and use it quickly before the other person can say it. This is effective in frustrating the normal thought process and logic skills of the other person and elevating the discussion to an altercation. Here are three that are commonly heard:

“You can dish it out but you can’t take it”

If you can throw this statement at someone first you automatically make them look like someone who is getting their just desserts. They appear as though they have done great harm to many defenseless individuals and you appear to be the heroic avenger striking a blow for the little guy.

It must be noted that there actually are people who can dish it out and not take it, but the majority of uses for this phrase are not to honestly point out such individuals. Most uses are to make one person look better than another.

Best Defense: Remain calm and rational.

“You just have to get the last word. Don’t you?”

Sneaking this one in is a classic ploy used by those who no longer have any rebuttals for your points. The first person to say this will appear to be a person who is in control and does not need to have the last word. In reality the person to say this first really likes to have the last word.

Question: Who honestly cares who has a last word enough to point out that someone else wants the last word?
Answer: Someone who likes to have the last word.

By saying this first they are laying a trap for you. First of all, they usually end it with the question “Don’t you?” which automatically leaves a natural place for a response to the question, making you the person who is trying to have the last word. Just as with the first “Dish it out but can’t take it ” ploy, this statement actually takes two people out of a discussion about an issue and puts them into a discussion about something unrelated and stupid. Why, when discussing physics or dry erase boards, would we suddenly stop and talk about who wants the last word?

Best Defense: Say “Yes, I do have to have the last word.” Then return to the subject at hand. Or you can stoop to their level and accuse them of needing to have the next to last word. Then it gets really confusing and fun.

“You Never Call Me”

This is the one you will run into the most. This one comes from relatives and friends and is generally not geared towards stirring up drama like the first two are. Although I have experienced out-of-the-blue calls just to tell me that I haven’t called in a while. Saying this to someone first, once again, makes the recipient out to be the bad guy, it is your ticket to being the lonesome victim who has been neglected by an evil conversation miser.

The truth is that it takes two people to not contact each other. If you have not spoken to someone in months it is just as much your fault as it is theirs. This statement actually has the opposite effect than one might use it for. Let’s say I haven’t seen or talked to my cousin in a while and I want to see them more. I finally see them and what is the first thing I do when I see them? I accuse them and make them feel uncomfortable by using this statement. Hmmm, I wonder why they don’t call me.

Best Defense: Point out that your phone hasn’t exactly been ringing off the hook. Then if the other person doesn’t see the logic behind your statement, reach through the phone and slap them.