Month: July 2009

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Rules for Life

These are some of the rules I live by:

1. If you want to fight someone but don’t have an immediate reason to, just play Monopoly with them.
2. If you can’t say something nice, wait until that person is gone.
3. Always question someone who makes money off of whatever you are talking with them about.
4. Never talk to anyone who is holding a sign. You can just read the sign.
5. Don’t pass gas before sitting on a toilet. When you sit down it will be right at nose level.
6. Never move your player to the target to catch the ball in a football video game.
7. Always have a Zombie Plan.
8. Don’t give in to hair and clothing trends. You WILL (or should) feel stupid later. Just stick with the standard.
9. When being confronted about something, the best response is always, “So”.
10. You are never alone in the bathroom at Golden Corral.
11. People who are concerned about being judged, almost always seem to be the ones exercising bad judgment.
12. Never break wind in the shower. The smell is amplified by the tile.
13. Don’t kill, steal, lie, cheat, harm others or do bad things.

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Running Out Of Time – Join the Fight

I wrote this a while ago and have been trying to get as many people to join with me as I can. I tried in 0,1 and 2 but no one seemed to want to join up. Now there are some more people joining the fight:

Some time ago, let’s say last August, I was called in to sign something at a doctors office. Next to the signature was a space for the date. I wrote 8/6/7 in the date space. The woman who gave me the paper looked at it and then said, ” I think you have to put 8/6/07.” I then asked, “Should I put 08/06/07 or 008/006/007 ?”

It will be nice when this decade is over and I will no longer face the persecution for not wanting to put a “0″ in my abbreviation for the year. A person should be able to abbreviate a date as far as they can without confusing others. I saw an ad on TV the other day for the Olympics and it said to watch starting on 8/8/08. I thought, “What a shame. It would be cooler if they had 8/8/8.” My family had a reunion on July 7th last year and everyone kept saying that it was going to be on “seven, seven, o’seven”. I think by now it should be clear that I said, “seven, seven, seven”.

It is a strange phenomenon that people cannot mentally depart from placing 2 digits in the year column. Most of anyones life who lives in a single digit decade and lives longer than 20 years will be lived in years with double digit abbreviations and this leads to peoples inability to drop a digit for ten years. Most months are written numerically with one digit and people have no problem switching between one and 2 digits. Once we hit the year column people feel a need to use 2 spaces. In an effort to out-smart-alec me some of you may think, “What did you do in the year 2000?” Don’t be stupid, I used “0″, as I needed to denote the year.

In this decade I have not found another person who is taking part with me in this “Decade-Crusade”. I have found people who agree, but I have never found anyone else who marks the year column of dates without a leading “0″. I only have another year and a half before this issue is irrelevant for 90 years. I would like to find other individuals who feel as I do on the matter. If we can stand up and be counted I bet, ironically, we will still be in the single digits. So far the tally is “01″.

Update: The tally is reportedly close to double digits now.