It may surprise many to find out that the mammoth of a human being they know as Dale was once mocked by his second grade classmates as “Skinnybones”. It is the only name that has ever come close to 2 more obvious names in frequency of use. One day, during reading time I was conversing with two other kids about muscles. I made a point about how muscle size doesn’t necessarily represent the actual strength of a person.
To illustrate my point I said, “Someone with my size arms could beat up someone like Jimbo.” Jimbo was an early bloomer, so as a second grader he already had a full mustache and would bully other kids with ease. In fact, at high school graduation I think he looked exactly the same as he did in elementary school.
Well these two supposed “friends” (who I will not change the names of because they are not innocent) Frank and Brian, they went over to Jimbo at lunchtime and had a little chat with him. At recess I was playing tag when I was approached by Jimbo. He shoved me and yelled, “I heard you said you can beat me up.” I said, “No, I didn’t.” The Judas twins walked over next to the unfolding scene. Jimbo pointed at them and said, “They told me that you said you were stronger than me and could beat me up.” He pushed me again as I began to try to explain my discourse on muscle size versus strength. I pushed him back in an effort to examine the truth behind what I had been telling Heckle and Jeckle earlier. I learned that while muscle size doesn’t matter much, a freakish early entry into puberty can help a lot. Jimbo pushed back harder until I was pinned against the school building. If it was not for the recess monitor lady with her trusty whistle, Skinnybones might have been crushed to pieces.
If anyone who knows Frank and Brian was wondering why I have never liked them, this is only the first step in the process. I really wish that I could have explained to young Jimbo that I was merely using him as an example of someone with larger muscles. I did not ever say specifically that I wanted to or even could beat up Jimbo. Thinking back I really wonder how a kid could get to a place where he would want to fight just for the sake of a fight. If I tried to think about it enough I am pretty sure I could get my brain to implode on itself. He wanted to fight because he thought I said I could win in a fight. What if I had been correct? What if I had said that larger muscles would always win, would he still have come at me? What if Frank and Brian Einstein had understood what I was actually saying? If I had said that bigger muscles mean you aren’t as good at ballet would he have signed up for dance classes? Could we have been friends if Frank and Bean had kept their mouths shut? I guess I will never know, but I don’t really care and don’t imagine anyone else does much either.
For the record I would pound the snot out of him now.