Bad Dinner Invites

Inviting someone over to dine with you is a tradition that stretches back thousands of years into human history. There are some moments in dining history that boggle the mind and can be quite entertaining for years to come. Take a journey with me whilst I fill you in on three strange situations. Do not try these at home kids.

The Birthday Dinner
It was my wife’s first birthday since getting married to the greatest person ever. A friend called her up and invited her to a birthday dinner in her honor. This friend listed all the other acquaintances that would be there and then told her what time to show up for dinner. Well, when the old ball and chain’s birthday rolled around we headed over for dinner. Upon walking through the doorway all the people, that we already knew would be there, jumped out and yelled “Surprise!!!!”. Well there was no surprise at all because we knew they were all going to be there. That was the plan, to dine with them for the evening. But there actually was a surprise, just not the one that was screamed out to us. “Surprise!!!” There is no dinner. We hadn’t eaten because we thought we were having dinner at this friends house. This was, put simply, the most poorly thought out surprise party/non-dinner I have ever seen.

Can I Take Your Order?
I caught the urge one day to invite a friend over for some suppage and called him up. I asked if he would like to come over for dinner. I heard the friend cover the mouthpiece of his phone and ask his wife about attending dinner. When he uncovered the phone to reveal the results of the discussion with his wife to me he asked, “What are you having?” At that point I had not even thought about what we would actually eat, as having someone over to eat is more about company than the actual meal itself. I then turned to my wife, with whom I had previously discussed inviting this friend to dinner, and asked, “What are we having?” She shrugged her shoulders at me and I turned back to the phone and said, “Anything you want. We take requests.” I spent the next minute trying to maybe list possible meals that might be acceptable. Then the friend replied, “Well we’ve all been pretty sick so we will have to do it another time.” I still cannot wrap my head around that conversation. I would have led with, “No, we cannot come. We are sick.” And I also wonder if we fed them something they hated at a previous dinner invite. I still get weirded out thinking about that dinner invite.

Wanna Have Dinner?
I was sitting innocently in my home, probably still trying to figure out the previous dinner invite, when my telephone rang. It was a different friend. He asked me straightaway, “Do you guys want to have dinner?”. I said, “Yeah, but hold on a sec while I check with the boss.” I asked my wife if she wanted to go to this other couple’s house or if there were other plans that I was not remembering. I got the all clear from the wife then returned to the phone and said, “Yeah, we are good for dinner tonight.” What my friend said next still baffles me and makes me afraid for the future of mankind. His reply was, “Great, what do you want us to bring?” {insert scratching record sound} There was a moment of silence as I tried to compute what he said. I was so confused that I just sort of mumbled, “Nothing” and hung up the phone. I then, still shocked, informed the better half that we were in charge of making dinner and hosting the people that had just invited us to dinner at our own house. I still don’t even know what proper protocol for such a situation is but I think that if this ever happens again the “F” word will be implemented quickly.

With a little extra thought and some ground rules as guidelines we can easily avoid situations like each of the ones above. For example, to have a surprise birthday party don’t tell the target that all of the people that will be there, will be there. And don’t make them think they are getting a meal only to rip it out from under them, which forces them to grab some fast-food on the way home after the not-so-surprise party. Or how about unless you are diabetic or on a special diet of some kind don’t be picky about what will be served. And also remember if you are sick and can’t come. Don’t invite yourself to someone’s food and home for an evening. Additionally a few others that I have seen are: Don’t invite your own guests to a dinner that you have been invited to. Don’t bring children that are infected with strange fungi or bacteria, like impetigo, to a dinner where other children and babies will be in attendance. Try not to mix company too much (ex. half work friends and half family, none of whom know each other). Don’t serve microwaved hot dogs with no condiments, drinks or bread that were nuked at least an hour before the guests arrived.

I am still friends with all the people in each of the aforementioned situations (except the hot dog lady) and I think of most of those situations as just funny things that happened, even though I am unable to explain some of them. Hopefully future dining will all be much smoother and less confusing or frustrating.