I have attended English classes for a majority of my life and have been studying the language my whole life. English is a language that can be very difficult to learn. There are many rules and tricks to the language that take years to master. These are some of my proposed changes to make it easier.
1. Spelling
There should be no such thing as a spelling bee. English is filled with silent pronunciations and exceptions to rules such as “knife” or “numb”. The words need to be spelled at a very basic level so a small child could sound them out and spell them. In fact, the word phonetically will be spelled phonetically (fənetikəlee). The words with silent k’s will have the k’s removed, as with other silent letters. Doing such things will save us all the time we spend trying to spell difficult words correctly. Thus making the average student or worker more efficient.
2. Alphabet
English contains several useless letters and letter combinations that waste time and paper. The letter C can easily be replaced by K or S being inserted where the C once was and the letter Q can be replaced in all cases by K. The letter X is a waste of a cool looking letter, it is not used with enough frequency. We will remedy this as well. Since the letter C has been replaced, we will no longer have the combination of CH. Thus the symbol of X will now make the “CH” sound and will be replaced by the combination of KS. The word BOX will be spelled “BOKS” and CHILD will be spelled “XILD”. We will also add the schwa (ə) to aid in spelling fənetikəlee. In doing this the alphabet will be easier to learn and more effective for its own purposes.
3. Rules for Jerks
There are many different rules of English that waste our time, such as the rule that states that you must say, “He and I” or “Her and I”. One could also say “Me and him” or “Me and her” and have the same meaning sent to the listener or reader. Another rule that I have heard is the rule of numbers in writing. It is unacceptable to some teachers for a student to write the number three in a paper as “3”. It must be spelled out as “three”. To do such one must put in four (4) more digits than if the person just put “3”. Also relating to numbers, is the use of numbers to replace all or part of a word. For this I say, “Congratulations, you found a loophole through which you can save some space and still have the same meaning.” Most people confuse the proper times to use “to” and “too” anyway. Why not just let everyone use “2” and we can figure out if they are saying, “I had 2 much”(too) or “I am going 2 the store”(to) ? Easing off on these rules will give us more time to spend on more pressing matters and solve important problems, instead of stopping someone to correct them when they say, “Me and Jane just found the cure for cancer.”
4. Punctuation
Punctuation should not be required and regulated, but should be optional. What kind of moron cannot tell when a sentence is a question or a command? If a person desires a pause in a sentence, they should be able to put a few spaces between words as opposed to using a comma.
Now dont get me rong I am not kalling for totəl anarkee and removəl əf all strəkture and regulatən. I have tryd 2 reed manee paypers that wer ritten by horribl ryters hoo did not hav anee ideə how 2 put səmthing 2 payper. That is no fən and waysts tym as well I am simplee kolling 4 a new strəkture that will b mor effishənt. I think it is gr8 that kids r using tekst messaj 4mat 2 ryt paypers 4 skool. Hopefəllee thay kan still mayk sens and no how 2 komunikayt effektivlee.
As you can see it will take some getting used to but can work. We may need to get rid of words that sound the same and mean different things so we don’t have to spell “know” as “no” and be confused. We can just make up new words. This post could have contained more information had it been written with the improved English which should be called “Schwamerican”. Communication is a very basic need and should be very basic in nature. If our language didn’t require so much time and effort to master we could improve many things in this world. Or we could save the time that it would take to implement and get used to such a system and go with what we got.