Author: Dale

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Superhero Week Pt. 2: Worst Superhero Ever

I was watching a movie the other day when it came to mind that the worst superhero ever would have to be Storm from the X-Men. After I lay it out for you I think you will have to agree wholeheartedly with me.

Reason 1 – Controlling Weather is Just Kinda Lame

The only part of controlling the weather that would be handy when fighting evil-doers is the ability to control lightning. Everything else is kind of a waste. “Hey Storm, make the bad guys get frost bite.” “Oooh, pelt them with hail.” “Mess up their hairdos with a blast of wind.” All the bad guys have to do is find some shelter and her power is rendered useless.

Reason 2 – It Takes Forever

When someone wants her to clear out some fog or trigger some morning dew for enemies to slip on, she always takes a couple of steps forward, like it matters where she stands, then holds her arms out to the side and stares at the sky. Her eyes then shade over with white and the clouds in the sky shift. The whole time the bad guys just watch her as she stands there. If any of these villains had any sense they would shoot her while she is out there with her arms spread for 5 minutes summoning their meteorological demise.

Reason 3 – Not a Big Berry Fan

It doesn’t have much to do with the powers of the character but I just don’t really like Halle Berry. There are a whole host of better people that could have been Storm in the X-Men movies. To name a few, we have Oprah, Michelle Obama, Rudy Huxtable and Jim Gaffigan. Well I guess I only have actively positive feelings for Rudy and Jim so strike the first two from the record, but retain how funny it would be to watch Oprah’s eyes glaze over and see her spin around and slap bad guys.

So there you have it. It may still be up for debate but as of right now, the worst superhero ever is Storm.

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Superhero Week Pt 1: Top 5’s

Well, what better way to kick off superhero week than to have an announcement of who will play Superman in the new movie that I have high hopes for. I will have more about Superman on day 4. And now, on with the lists.

Top 5 Worst Superhero Movies

Supergirl – The only good things about this movie are the fact that it stars Helen Slater and Mark McClure. Everything else is completely horrible. From the bad guy who’s main devious goal is to date a gardener to Supergirl watching the entire town get trashed before she changes costumes and sort of saves the day, this movie will leave you scratching your head.

Superman Returns – For a more complete list of grievances go here. For the short list, I will say that I hate that Superman is a dead beat dad in this movie and I am not a fan of the inconsistencies in his powers, which is a problem most of the time.

Batman and Robin – Horrible writing, terrible acting and the fact that they used every bad guy they had in their stable. Those are pretty much the crux of all it’s problems.

Spiderman 3 – Just watch this:

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – This is the movie that put Sean Connery out of the acting business(with the exception of one toothpaste commercial)

Daredevil – I’ve already over-explained this one.

Heroes(TV Series) – Seriously Peter could have flown himself into the sky to blow up and didn’t need his brother to do it. I enjoyed most of the first season of this but it really fell apart at the end of that season and the start of season two was looking just as bad so I quit on it. It was a very rapid fall for something that could have been pretty cool.

Top 5 Most Ridiculously Ultra-Powered Superheroes

Doctor Manhattan – More poor writing surrounds this character from the Watchmen. He perceives the past, present and future as one but is still subject to space. Every nerd knows that time and space cannot be separated.

Phoenix – Another character that is so powerful that it just makes it no fun and makes it unbelievable that anyone could beat her.

Superman/Supergirl/Superboy – Most people are very unaware of the fact that Superman originally could not fly and had lesser powers. He could lift heavy objects and run fast and jump high but he was not near as powerful as he is now. The way he is now makes it pretty unbelievable that he could ever be defeated. Even if somebody had kryptonite he could stand back and heat-vision their faces off.

Top 5 Best Superheroes

Superman – With the aforementioned problems Superman is still the best out there.
Beast – I just like him OK.
The Tick – Indestructible and hilarious.
Batman – Ingenuity and a go-getter attitude.
Iron Man – ditto

Top 5 Best Superhero Movies

Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
X-men The Last Stand
X-men Origins Wolverine
Mystery Men
The Incredibles

Now on to the usual, what I missed and why I’m wrong.

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Old Newspapers I Have: Tuesday October 3, 1995

Here is a beauty that I kept from the Midland Reporter Telegram in Midland Texas. The main story, is of course, one everyone should be familiar with. See here for the ultimate follow-up to this headline. Other big news of the day included a book signing tour from Colin Powell, abortion protest cases being decided by the supreme court in the absence of the chief justice and a local bus crash.

Continue reading “Old Newspapers I Have: Tuesday October 3, 1995”

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Top 5 Guitarists

I will start with the honorable mentions who were all very difficult to not include in the official top 5. We have Eric Clapton, Kirk Hammett, Jerry Cantrell, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Johnson, Explosions in the Sky, Rich Robinson, Dimebag Darrell, Travis Meeks (pre-Meth-ed out phase), The DeLeo brothers and Yngwie Malmsteen. I purposefully excluded Van Halen and Jimmy Page. The former because he has been a jerk in the public eye many times and the latter because of horrific decisions since Zeppelin split, that, and he stole music. I do however recognize their talents.

For those who know anything about playing the guitar you may want to put on an adult diaper before you watch these. Since it was hard enough to get it down to only 5, here they are in no particular order:

Ian Thornley – It is a shame when one of the best is not easily recognized for what they are. Ian Thornley is just such a case. I actually had no problem bringing this man into the top 5 and even thought heavily about just naming him #1. If you need to have an ultimate #1 to make you feel better, just go ahead and say that Ian was it. Whether with “Big Wreck” or “Thornley”, Ian writes and plays amazing stuff. If there is ever anything that I find less than amazing I look at who worked with him on it and, odds are, I will find someone else has come in and mucked things up. If I ever get down and wonder why Thornley has to hang out with that dimwit from Nickelback I just watch something like the video below and all is forgiven.

Stevie Ray Vaughan – Amazing, just amazing. From the stories about him super-gluing his bleeding finger shut mid-song to watching him restring his guitar while still playing to just hearing him play, this man was simply amazing.

Alain Johannes – This has to be the shocker of the bunch, but I thought I would give it to a man who has been toiling in the background while others in front of him get all the credit. He has amazing rhythm and lead guitar parts and has definitely paid his dues. So once again I give him some long overdue credit.

Mike Einziger – A pure genius with his rhythm parts and able to hold his own with solos, Einziger has shot his way into my list. The song I chose to demonstrate Einziger’s skill is one that highlights what he can do with different types of parts and how he can push a song into new places.

David Gilmour – In my opinion, Pink Floyd mostly sucked before Gilmour arrived and made them into what they are known for. His playing has a well thought out feeling to it and the entire second half of the video below is pure mastery of the guitar.

OK, so here’s the part where you tell me why I am wrong or why someone was totally forgotten.