There’s Nothing Like a Funny String of Comments
Most of the time reading people’s comments on very large sites frequented by people you don’t know is a complete waste of time. But the other day, the old ball-and-chain was just perusing the internets and she found a pretty worthless recipe for heating up ham by that annoying, peppy lady Rachel Ray. The recipe calls for heating up your ham in some oil and that was it.
The comments on the recipe were quite entertaining to me and I thought they were worth a look.
Rise of the Robots Because of Bad Programming
I watched another horrible movie last night. If you wanted to see Eagle Eye this is my spoiler alert, the movie was crappy. The movie involved yet another computer taking over things. I am very tired of the old plot device of making a computer take control of the humans and now I am going to make perhaps the nerdiest post I have ever made.
All the computers in these movies had to be programmed by someone and I got a sneak peak at some of the source code. The first one is Eagle Eye, see if you can guess the others. I will reveal the answers in the comments tomorrow:
Scenario #1:
if(human_action != computer_recommendation){
goto plan_to_destroy_national_leadership;
plan_to_promote_world_peace:
plan_to_destroy_national_leadership:
// COMMENTED OUT send_power_surge_through_Presidents_shaver_and kill_him(“President”);
// COMMENTED OUT infect_the_GPS_navigation_for_all_cabinet_members_so_they_drive_off_cliffs(“Garmin”);
/*COMMENT – I decided to comment out the above and use the less direct approach below since we now have the quad core processors that can handle the extra unnecessary actions – END COMMENT */
make_brother_of_computer_specialist_remove_the_worthless_biometric_lock_from_computer(“Holes Kid”);
have_mother_of_band_student_wear_explosive_necklace_that_will_be_triggered_by_trumpet(“Some lady with weird looking kid”);
}
Scenario #2:
if(leading_star == “Ferris Bueller Guy”){
threaten_nuclear_war_with_another_country(“USSR”);
if(game == “Tic Tac Toe”){
run_mock_scenario_of_thermonuclear_war_then_make_deep_statement_about_war_having_no_winners();
offer_to_play_a_game_of_chess_and_make_humans_laugh_it_off();
}
}
Scenario #3:
if(robot_mood == “Ready to enslave humans”){
overtake_humans_and_use_them_as_batteries();
if(human_need == “Mind stimulation to live”){
create_intricate_virtual_world_for_people_to_live_in(“Ted from ‘Bill and Ted'”);
if(human_escape_to_underground_rave_parties == True){
Destroy(“Humans”);
}
}
}
Scenario #4:
if(skynet == “Online”){
Destroy(“Humans”);
if(human_encountered == “John Connor”){
send_robot_with_bad_accent_back_in_time_to_kill_his_mother_
but_do_it_at_a_point_in_time_when_she_is_old_enough_to_defend_herself_and_
have_relations_with_the_human_sent_back_to_save_her_thus_causing_the_birth_of_John_Connor();
}
}
Scenario #5:
if(lead_actor == “Fresh Prince”){
// COMMENTED OUT – Law_1 = “Never hurt, kill or enslave humans”;
/*COMMENT – I removed the above law and made a more vague first law to make it more exciting for us humans when robots figure out loopholes in logic – END COMMENT */
Law_1 = “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.”;
Law_2 = “A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.”;
Law_3 = “A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or the Second Law.”;
if(robot_logic == “Law 1 means I can enslave humans”){
trap_humans_in_their_homes_and_kill_any_that_try_to_stop_evil_plot(“Holes Kid”);
if(genius_scientist_creation == “Robot with conscience”){
try_in_vain_to_continue_evil_plot_while_the_fresh_prince_destroys_system();
}
}
}
Well there you have them. If only they had better quality assurance at the companies that programmed the machines. I really must say that I am highly in favor of getting rid of the ‘Destroy’ function if “Humans” can be passed in.
Cleveland
I have seen a couple of videos about Cleveland and I tell you it looks like a great town.
What You Will Need When You Buy a Home
I graduated college at a wonderful time, right into a recession. I decided to not let Whitey get me down and go ahead and buy a house. I have been waiting for a couple of months now since I agreed to buy a place and it is driving me insane. I decided I would make a list of all the things I have needed so far and I can’t imagine what else there could possibly be.
Things You Provide
2 years worth of W-2 forms
2 months of paystubs
Previous year tax return
Good credit
List of debts and payment schedules
Note stating that a spouse did not work in a previous year
Contact info for insurer of home
Signed REPC
A year of canceled rent checks
A Ton of Patience
Things the Lender Provides
A signed good faith estimate
A loan application
A patriot act property form
An employment verification form
Things the seller provides
Certificate of occupancy
1 yr warranty form (if new)
Termite guarantee form or inspection
I think that is everything unless they pull out the surprise rectal exam or they want some DNA samples. I wonder what it would have been like if I had tried for a house a couple of years ago when they were giving them out to every hobo with half a pulse. If I think of anything else I will edit it in. If you are going to buy a house just get all of these things ready ASAP in case they are needed. I gathered everything on this list as it has been requested over the last two months. It would have been much easier to know before hand and just turn it all in.
TV Turn Off Week
Apparently we are right in the middle of what some group of people has decided was a good time for TV turn off week. There is also another one in September. Learning this today a great many questions popped into my mind, such as:
- Who is deciding when to do this?
- Can we take a vote as to when it should be?
- Did they pick the beginning week of the NBA playoffs for any particular reason?
- Did they pick the start of football season for the other week for any certain reason?
- Are they aware that all summer long there is only baseball, Nascar and golf which actually make it an extremely pleasant experience to turn off your TV?
Last summer I had a TV detox which was pretty nice until I wanted to watch the Olympics and my reception was bad because I canceled cable. I think a TV turnoff week is a good idea but it should be on your own time schedule when there are no playoffs. And go ahead and do more than one or two weeks per year. I think it is a great idea not for environmental reasons but for mental reasons. Seriously though not during the playoffs.
Teen
Teen may be the ugliest of four letter words. We have teen angst, teen idols, teenie boppers, teen sensations, teen pregnancy and yes, even teenagers; all of which are stupid in one way or another. I know what you are thinking: “But you were a teenager once too.” Yes I was and I hated every minute of it. Let me take you on my journey of disgust for all things teen.
When I was in the third grade, I was walking past the high school on my way home from my elementary school. Ahead, I saw a bunch of the aforementioned teenagers loitering in front of the school. The previous day had brought a very rare snow storm to our Texas town and there was still some snow lingering around. As I got directly perpendicular to the wall where the teens were goofing off I could hear their idiotic laughter get suddenly silent. I felt like I should start running but I didn’t, I just kept my previous pace. Out of a flash my head was jerked to one side and I stumbled off the sidewalk. As I regained my composure I once again heard the stupid laughter from the group. I looked over and one of these fine upstanding youths was standing as though he had just thrown something at me and he was laughing with the others in a hilarious uproar behind him. He had thrown the most tightly packed, gigantic ice ball I had ever come across at my head. Surely he could have used his talent for accuracy in a better way such as baseball or football, but he felt the desire to harm young children. I reached up and felt my ear and when I brought my hand back I saw blood. I wanted so badly to pull a Ralphie on the guy, but he was a teenager and I was a little third grader. So I ran home. Thus began my dislike for teenagers.
When I myself became a teenager I would often find myself being looked at by adults as though I was in cahoots with the rest of the teens in the world. I wanted to say to them, “It’s not me. I am not the one who behaves stupidly.” I never took an opportunity to say that and I regret it. One day when I was 15, I was playing dunk ball on the old elementary school playground with my brother and a friend. We got thirsty and had a couple of quarters that we could use on a water bottle refill station just a few yards down the road. We went and got some water out of the dispenser and as our first gallon purchase was running out a woman pulled up in her car, with her young daughter inside. We put in one more quarter for more water and I noticed the woman get her water bottle out and walk towards another filling station. She then suddenly took the bottle back to her car though and drove away towards an adjacent 7/11. We walked back to the basketball courts and continued playing ball. A few minutes later a police car pulled up near the court and an officer got out while yelling at us to come over to him. He was very angry and asked us why we had harassed a woman and her daughter. We were totally perplexed as we had done no such thing. He told us that a woman had just called from 7/11 saying that three teenagers harassed her and her daughter at the water station. She claimed that we had threatened to do some horrible things to her and her daughter and that we threw a basketball at her. We explained repeatedly to the officer that we were just getting a drink and cooling off and that we had absolutely no interaction with anyone else. It took 10 to 15 minutes to convince the policeman that our side of the story was correct and the woman had completely lied. Luckily he believed us and let us go on our way. If it was an out-of-the-ordinary occurrence for teenagers to harass people we might have had an easier time convincing the officer of the truth.
There are a whole host of other instances similar to these that have led me to dislike teens even when I was one.
Wow Leonard Nimoy, Wow
With all the commercials for the new Star Trek movie and the fact that they are making “The Hobbit” into a movie, I have remembered this video:
Indeed wow.
New Taco Bell Ad
It isn’t really their new ad but it should be.
Children’s Book = Movie
Where the Wild Things Are is a children’s book that has just recently been made into a movie:
Another classic child’s book has been made into a movie: