There’s Nothing Like a Funny String of Comments
Most of the time reading people’s comments on very large sites frequented by people you don’t know is a complete waste of time. But the other day, the old ball-and-chain was just perusing the internets and she found a pretty worthless recipe for heating up ham by that annoying, peppy lady Rachel Ray. The recipe calls for heating up your ham in some oil and that was it.
The comments on the recipe were quite entertaining to me and I thought they were worth a look.
HOME SCHOOL
Me and some friends were sitting around one night bored out of our minds. We were dreading going back to school on that Monday. We were thinking how cool it would be to just be home schooled. Then we got the GENIUS idea to have some fun. We each grabbed a piece of paper and went off to different corners of the room. Our goal: to come up with some “FUNNY” Good and Bad points of being home schooled. After we had all come up with as many as we could we threw all of our ideas together and came up with a MASTER list… A “Best of” list… We came up with several more but these were some of the better ones…. SO I now give you….
“THE GOOD AND BAD POINTS OF HOME SCHOOL”
GOOD POINTS:
– “Free Lunches!”
– “No Gangs!”
– “You know everyone in school!”
– “You always know where your classes are!”
– “School is never too far from home!”
– “No Dropouts!”
– ” You can flunk everything and still be #1 in your class!”
– “No Fights”
BAD POINTS:
– “ALWAYS have homework!”
– “Small Yearbooks!”
– “School NEVER gets canceled!”
– “Teacher ALWAYS knows your name!”
– “No Substitutes!”
– “The Proms SUCK!!!”
– “Can’t make up excuses as to why you didn’t get your home work done!”
– “IF YOU FART THERE IS NO ONE TO BLAME IT ON!!!!”
Airplane Announcement
This guy could revolutionize the announcements industry. If someone asks, “how much for a drink”, the flight attendant could rightfully say, “Didn’t you listen to the announcements?”
The Saviors of Detroit (Real Power Wheels)
A few problems these guys just solved:
No one carpools
Too many gigantic gas guzzlers on the road
People can’t get credit to buy cars
Not seeing kids bolt out from behind cars
and many more…
I want one of those things
GET RICH QUICK SCHEME!!!
i have a FANTASTIC get rich quick scheme thought up. it’s just the time needed to set it up would just get in the way of my 2 jobs and watching movies. If any one steals this idea then you owe me like half of whatever you make from it. and… if someone already came up with the idea and is looking for me… just point in some direction and tell him that “he just ran that way”.
So i have this idea for a book. it is a magic book…. no really… it is a book the “teaches you magic tricks.” magic card tricks to be exact. i figure to keep my unpopularity low i will include THE pack of cards with the book. It’ll say on the front cover “LEARN HOW TO DO CARD TRICKS MADE FAMOUS BY MAGICIANS” and then it’ll have a pack of playing cards…. OH YEAH… AND it has to be shrink wrapped. we don’t want anyone “stealing” any of our “secrets” without them paying for it. SO it is sitting there on the shelf in the book store. a kid comes in and yells “JEEPERS MOM A BOOK ON MAGIC. OH BOY I WOULD SURE LIKE TO GET THIS” and the mom says “Well i guess it IS your birthday next week, how much is it?” “$30” … no wait you always gotta have dumb prices at stores let’s make it “$29.97” so the mom buys the kid the book he is CRAZY excited to get the book home so he can learn how to do magic tricks to help him be able to make more friends because of his low self esteem issues. He finally arrives home, runs through the door, up the stairs, into his bedroom. he sits on the floor and can’t contain the curiosity any longer he rips off the plastic wrap covering the book, sets the cards off to the side, and flings the book open to see what wondrous tricks he can learn BUT all he sees printed on every page of the book is “SORRY A GOOD MAGICIAN NEVER REVEALS HIS SECRETS” … oh yeah did i also mention we have to have a no refund policy too.
Hero of the Day
I just read about Ed Barnett who wrote a letter to the IRS. Before reading his letter I hadn’t really thought about all the different taxes we pay in one sitting. I usually just complain about phone taxes when I see them and sort of had them separate from sales taxes and medicare taxes in my mind.
Pssst, You Look Stupid (Boots Over Pantlegs)
Many people choose to follow trends that will make them look back in a few years and hopefully feel embarrassed that they were so dumb. We need to help such individuals out by pointing out to them that they look stupid. It may seem negative but it is actually done out of love. Plus it’s a joke.
Tucking Pantlegs into Boots
What You Are Saying:
“I don’t know what looks stupid, but the TV stars are doing this.”
Makes People Think of:
Dumb and Dumber after they bought some new clothes. or
Napoleon Dynamite
Insulted Person Says to Me:
“Hey, this is the latest fashion.”
My Reply:
“Uuuuuuuhhhhhhh”
Currently Rolling Over In Grave(s):
John Wayne
Crocodile Dundee
You are welcome.
Hearing Test
When I went to this site and played the 20kHz and it felt like a dentist was drilling on my soul. That’s pretty funny that they use the tone to keep teenagers away. If only I could have had such a device in high school. That is the last one I could hear.
A New Contributor
I know that you have enjoyed hearing my stories more than anything you have ever done in your life; it’s been real pleasant for me too. Now I want to hear some other people’s best stuff. I enjoy hearing what other people have done and how they have felt during certain situations.
I have talked to my good old friend Todd Pail and he has some material and the desire to chronicle his own wisdom. He is also one of the most hilarious people I have ever been around and I know he’s got good stuff because I was there for a lot of crazy stuff. Now when he lets you down you can have a riot at your computer desk.
I must confess that Todd Pail is not his real name it is his superhero secret identity. And here and now I will tell you that he is actually Bucketman.
INTERVIEWER: Bucketman, what is your superpower? What can you do with a bucket of Justice?
BUCKETMAN: You roll the bucket, and then you go get it.
Oh yeah, and his real real name is Brandon. So be on the lookout in the near future.