Category: Opinion

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Jiminy Cricket

If you are as sick of hearing about Bin Laden as I am then you are in the right place today. Let’s have some levity. I noticed a few things about a popular figure some time ago that led me to an exciting conclusion. As you may have guessed that character is Jiminy Cricket from the Pinocchio story.

“What big revelation could you could possibly have about an old cricket?” I hear you asking. Well, Jiminy Cricket is, in fact, a Mormon Cricket. I have a very strong case for my conclusion and once you are filled in you will agree.

1. First off, I noticed great similarity between the way that Jiminy dresses and the way that the first President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons), Joseph Smith, dresses.


It may be just the way that Jiminy has always dressed or it could be an Arthur “Killer” Kane style shout-out to Smith via wardrobe.

2. Mormons also have a strong belief in carefully selecting what you put into your mind with things like entertainment. Mormons are taught that many types of entertainment can entrap you and ultimately get you to a place you do not want to be. If that sounds familiar within the Pinocchio story then you might be remembering the showbiz boss Stromboli trapping Pinocchio in a cage. And who eventually gets Pinocchio, an impressionable youth, away from the evils of showbiz? Jiminy again. Are you seeing the pattern?

3. Now, again like Joseph Smith, Jiminy was also witness to visitations of heavenly beings. Jiminy saw the Blue Fairy when she made Pinocchio come alive as a puppet and made Jiminy his conscience and then again when she saved Pinocchio from Stromboli.

4. My next reason is one of the most compelling. When Pinocchio ends up gallivanting around Pleasure Island, who was it that came and stopped him from drinking alcohol and smoking? That’s right, Jiminy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a code of health that is called the “Word of Wisdom” which proscribes the use of alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea and harmful drugs in addition to encouraging eating healthily. It is possible that the cricket was trying to help Pinocchio follow this Mormon rule.

5. In the story Jiminy also saves Pinocchio from a lifetime of humiliation and slavery as a jackass. This can be likened to the majority of Mormons’ rejection of progressive democrat(jackass/donkey) policies.

6. Mormons also believe in receiving personal revelation from God through the Holy Ghost. In the Bible, the Holy Ghost is related with a dove. In Pinocchio’s story Jiminy gets a note from a dove that originated from the Blue Fairy. The note tells him about Geppetto being lost at sea.

7. Mormons also believe in modern prophets. What biblical imagery is brought to mind when I mention being swallowed by a whale? How about the prophet Jonah?

8. Now while they were looking for and inside of Monstro the Whale, did you happen to notice where everybody was? That’s right…underwater. Mormons are known for their missionary program throughout the world. They travel all over and talk to people about God, revelation, restoration and, of course, Baptism.

9. After he has helped Pinocchio to become more than he previously was and turn into a real boy Jiminy gets a big gold badge with writing on it. This reminds one of the writing on the gold plates from whence the Book of Mormon was translated, does it not?

I think I have made a pretty solid case for Jiminy being a Mormon. Who knows why he hasn’t told any one by now? Maybe he is afraid of being mocked and painted as something he is not or maybe he is waiting for the right time to tell his parents that he converted. I think it is most likely that he has been too busy pulling Pinocchio out of horrible situations to even get a word in about it. That’s OK Jiminy, I told everyone for you.


Hi, I’m Jiminy
I’m a Mormon.

For those who may believe that I am actually saying that a cricket was baptized as a member of the LDS faith, I am joking.

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The Movie I Wish Had Never Happened

Some movies are, of course, bad. And you feel they were a general waste of time. Then there are other movies that make you want to bust out the pitchfork and destroy anyone who was at fault. For me “Superman Returns” was just such a movie. I am a huge nerd for Superman stuff and when I heard the movie was going to be made a few years ago, I got excited. The more time passes, the more I loathe the existence of that movie. You will have to pardon me for my harshness and my desire to kick the perpetrators of this monstrosity in their faces.

I have no problem with most of the actors in the movie. Brandon Routh did a decent job and Kevin Spacey was a good Lex. Even Jam from Detroit Rock City didn’t seem out of place as replacement for the legendary Mark McClure. However, Kate Bosworth was a horrible Lois Lane; dare I say even worse than Margot Kidder.

The biggest problems I have with the movie are in the writing. First off, why would Superman go back to look at Krypton when it was destroyed? Did he not believe his Jor-El crystals? If it wasn’t obliterated, then the people on the planet obviously had the technology to get to Earth and he might have seen some of them by now. Also if he had been gone for so long, wouldn’t that kinda blow his cover since, “Oh hey, you and Clark Kent were both gone for exactly 7 years”?

Next up is the scene with the airplane versus the scene with the krypto-continent. It took Superman a long time and a lot of struggling to stop that airplane at the last minute. But, he lifted a whole freaking continent made out of Kryptonite at the end of the movie. So which is it, Superman has a hard time with a 130 ton airplane unimpaired or he can throw a continent made out of his weakness into space? How about some consistency? Of course Superman movies are not known for their consistency when it comes to his powers.

Then we have the twisted love triangle with Kate Bosworth, James Marsden and Superman. This is an overused plot device that just needs to die.

The most atrocious piece is up next with the discovery that Superman, the proverbial boy scout, is now a dead-beat dad. Now if you want to put another sequel on, you have to include an asthmatic Superboy whose parents both appear to have been teenagers when he was born. Superman has gone from someone who respects women and families to someone who owes on his child support. Although, his boy scout image was obliterated in Superman 2 when he took Margot Kidder back to his place, wined and dined her and slipped under the tin foil sheets with her. {shivers with fright} Another example of less respectable behavior is when he went back and used his power against a trucker in a diner purely for revenge. Way to help the humans Kal-El.

Finally the line uttered by Perry White, “Does he still stand for truth, justice, all that stuff?” “All that stuff???” If you are going to use the first two go ahead and have the guts to finish it off, “the American way”. The principles that America is based on are principles that will set the world free from oppressive government, if we can just get back to them and remove our own oppressive government that we have had for the last 100 years or so. Were they afraid of offending terrorists and commies? To exclude the phrase is just dumb, unless Superman really would do something like this:

Superman Returns has made it difficult for anyone to write their way out of the horrible corner these writers have made. But thinking on it more, Superman Returns is really a capstone on what has been a long line of horrible movies. Will anyone ever make a good Superman movie?

UPDATE:
Christopher Nolan really did good things for Batman after it had been dragged through the mud. Maybe he can help Superman out.

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Remember the Alamo

I was once in a vegetative state back when I had television and saw what one could get away with calling a documentary about Ozzie Osbourne. There was a moment in the show when they started talking about a fairly famous incident which landed Ozzie in some trouble. The people that were interviewed about the incident talked about it in a seemingly amused manner and appeared to think it was actually quite funny. Continue reading “Remember the Alamo”

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What Has Bugged Me About Popular Music For a Long Time

I have always been annoyed by music being the same old junk sung by a different person under a different song name. There are two or three extremely overused chord progressions that drive me crazy and I saw a video the other day that demonstrated what I hate. They do a lot of songs that used the same progressions but, sadly I can think of quite a few more (I think I heard some salty sailor language somewhere on it. In case you are sensitive.)

It is too bad we don’t demand more of our “musicians”. They should have to come up with original material. I think this happens because there’s always a new crop of stupid kids to jump on board with the latest trendy music, even if that trendy music is the same trendy music of yesteryear. No one listens to classics. We should have a lot less “musicians” in this world because there is plenty of music to listen to already. Radio stations should all play old stuff with a couple of new songs that are actually good. I am very opinionated about music and could go on forever.