Well troopers, it is the last day that we can possibly recruit anyone to the cause for my aforementioned Decade Crusade. Unless any of us live another 90 years we will never get the chance to write a date without the unnecessary “0” before the year. If you have participated in the Decade Crusade leave a comment below and tell anyone else who has signed on to the cause to come to this site and leave a comment.
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20 Best Albums of the Decade
This decade has been much more fruitful than I thought when it comes to good music. Not all of it was too incredibly popular, but does that matter? It may take you a while to get through the list but I guarantee it will be worth it.
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When Supergeniuses Attack
By now you may have seen the video of the police officer holding his gun while people throw snowballs at him. If not here it is (language warning):
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Top 5 Albums of 2009
As the year is pretty much done and I do not foresee any good albums coming out between now and January it is time for my list of the top albums of 2009.
5. Black Gives Way to Blue – Alice in Chains – 7.2
In 2002 A few weeks after Layne Staley, the singer for Alice In Chains died, I attended a Jerry Cantrell concert which was incredible. Jerry played some of his solo material which is pretty good, but he also played some Alice in Chains tunes. To stand in and do Layne’s parts Jerry had the singer of the opening band William Duvall. I thought he did a great job. Fast forward to this year and Alice in Chains has put out another album with William Duvall now comfortably in the band. Black gives way to blue is not as engaging as the older albums but it is still good material. It is along the lines of some of Cantrell’s solo stuff.
4. Tiny Pictures – Thornley – 7.4
The former leader of Big Wreck finally came out with a new album this year. It was disappointing in some ways and has too much influence from the owner of his record label Nickelback’s Chad Kroeger. But despite it’s shortcomings it is good enough to make this years top 5. It does have many high points which help to smooth out some of the rough spots and bring the album to an overall good score.
3. There is No Enemy – Built to Spill – 7.8
At this point Built to Spill are in full stride as they just can’t help but put out good quality material, which, come to think of it, may have always been the case. Once again they do not disappoint.
2. Before the Frost/Until the Freeze – The Black Crowes – 7.9
Recorded live in a barn, this album gives you a taste of where country music should have gone rather than the garbage that it is now. It is a two disc album or rather a one disc and download the other half album. Almost everything in this album just seems to feel right.
1. The Resistance – Muse – 9.6
Of course I love this album. With it’s theme taken from the Orwell classic “1984” and the book “The Grand Chessboard” by the globalist, former Jimmy Carter adviser and current Obama adviser Zbigniew Brzezinski, this album might help more people to realize that yes they are plotting on us. The music ain’t bad either, in fact it is really, really good.
Dishonorable Mention – Scream by Chris Cornell
One of the worst albums I have ever had the displeasure of hearing. The line from Weezer’s “Pork and Beans” applies directly to the once great Cornell, “Timbaland knows the way to reach the top of the charts. Maybe if I work with him I can perfect the art.” This album has nasty Timbaland fingerprints all over it and any thing that might have actually sounded ok has been violated along with memories of Cornell’s former greatness. Listen to one of the worst and weep with me.
Stupid Product Enhancements
Many times companies just stretch for any idea in order to keep things new or make things appear new. These are some of the worst examples of product updates that I have seen in a while.
Beer Can Vents
“How can we get people to throw our beer down their gullets faster? We’ll put vents on the can.” It really isn’t that tough to drink from a regular can. Maybe if I drank I would find out how impared my drinking skills could get. Maybe I just don’t understand it. Were that many people complaining about not being able to drink fast enough? The next natural progression of this idea is to put a potato gun on the bottom of the can so you can blast it down your throat.
Portable Pop Tarts
Finally a Pop Tart I can take with me. Sometimes I am on the go and don’t have time to sit down with a fork and knife to eat a whole Pop Tart. So I am excited to see that there are now Go Tarts. That must have been a fantastic board meeting to be in, to watch everybody get excited for a really dumb idea.
New and Improved
When I was a youngster I remember that Trix cereal had little colored spheres. Then one magical day the rabbit did something to make them shaped like fruit. Fast forward to modern times when I hear about a “New” shape. Oh sweetness, is it cubes, pyramids or little rabbit heads? No it’s………….Spheres??? Hey great “New” shape guys. You know it is the old shape too right? This ploy has been used by a lot of different companies to try to generate some buzz around something “New” which is actually something old.
Color Changing Beer
The people at Coors are making it too easy. They have little mountains on their beer that turn
blue when it is cold. Once again, maybe your sensitivity to temperature is impared when you are drunk so I wouldn’t know, but this seems stupid. I just picture some drunk idiot opening his fridge every 10 seconds and tasting his beer to find out if it is cold yet. He then stops and thinks, “If only the sweet rocky mountains could tell me when my beer is cold.” First of all, if your drinks were warm when you put them in the fridge and it has been less than 30 minutes they probably aren’t cold yet. If you are so drunk that you can’t tell time you probably don’t need another beer. Secondly, you can touch the bottle or can to tell if it is cold, if you are too lazy to do that then one more cold one should be at the bottom of your priority list. This product enhancement is almost as stupid as the oxymoronic slogan “Drink Responsibly”.
Schwamerican
I have attended English classes for a majority of my life and have been studying the language my whole life. English is a language that can be very difficult to learn. There are many rules and tricks to the language that take years to perfect. These are some of my proposed changes to make it easier.
1. Spelling
There should be no such thing as a spelling bee. English is filled with silent pronunciations and exceptions to rules such as “knife” or “numb”. The words need to be spelled at a very basic level so a small child could sound them out and spell them. In fact, the word phonetically will be spelled phonetically (fənetikəlee). The words with silent k’s will have the k’s removed, as with other silent letters. Doing such things will save us all the time we spend trying to spell difficult words correctly. Thus making the average student or worker more efficient.
2. Alphabet
English contains several useless letters and letter combinations that waste time and paper. The letter C can easily be replaced by K or S being inserted where the C once was and the letter Q can be replaced in all cases by K. The letter X is a waste of a cool looking letter, it is not used with enough frequency. We will remedy this as well. Since the letter C has been replaced, we will no longer have the combination of CH. Thus the symbol of X will now make the “CH” sound and will be replaced by the combination of KS. The word BOX will be spelled “BOKS” and CHILD will be spelled “XILD”. We will also add the schwa (ə) to aid in spelling fənetikəlee. In doing this the alphabet will be easier to learn and more effective for its own purposes.
3. Rules for Jerks
There are many different rules of English that waste our time, such as the rule that states that you must say, “He and I” or “Her and I”. One could also say “Me and him” or “Me and her” and have the same meaning sent to the listener or reader. Another rule that I have heard is the rule of numbers in writing. It is currently unacceptable to write the number three in a paper as “3”. It must be spelled out as “three”. To do such one must put in four (4) more digits than if the person just put “3”. Also relating to numbers, is the use of numbers to replace all or part of a word. For this I say, “Congratulations, you found a loophole through which you can save some space and still have the same meaning.” Most people confuse the proper times to use “to” and “too” anyway. Why not just let everyone use “2” and we can figure out if they are saying, “I had 2 much”(too) or “I am going 2 the store”(to) ? Easing off on these rules will give us more time to spend on more pressing matters and solve important problems, instead of stopping someone to correct them when they say, “Me and Jane just found the cure for cancer.”
4. Punctuation
Punctuation should not be required and regulated, but should be optional. What kind of moron cannot tell when a sentence is a question or a command? If a person desires a pause in a sentence, they should be able to put a few spaces between words as opposed to using a comma.
Now dont get me rong I am not kalling for totəl anarkee and removəl əf all strəkture and regulatən. I have tryd 2 reed manee paypers that wer ritten by horribl ryters hoo did not hav anee ideə how 2 put səmthing 2 payper. That is no fən and waysts tym as well I am simplee kolling 4 a new strəkture that will b mor effishənt. I think it is gr8 that kids r using tekst messaj 4mat 2 ryt paypers 4 skool. Hopefəllee thay kan still mayk sens and no how 2 komunikayt effektivlee.
As you can see it will take some getting used to but can work. We may need to get rid of words that sound the same and mean different things so we don’t have to spell “know” as “no” and be confused. We can just make up new words. This post could have contained more information had it been written with the improved English which should be called “Schwamerican”. Communication is a very basic need and should be very basic in nature. If our language didn’t require so much time and effort to master we could improve many things in this world. Or we could save the time that it would take to implement and get used to such a system and go with what we got.
TV Turn Off Week
Apparently we are right in the middle of what some group of people has decided was a good time for TV turn off week. There is also another one in September. Learning this today a great many questions popped into my mind, such as:
- Who is deciding when to do this?
- Can we take a vote as to when it should be?
- Did they pick the beginning week of the NBA playoffs for any particular reason?
- Did they pick the start of football season for the other week for any certain reason?
- Are they aware that all summer long there is only baseball, Nascar and golf which actually make it an extremely pleasant experience to turn off your TV?
Last summer I had a TV detox which was pretty nice until I wanted to watch the Olympics and my reception was bad because I canceled cable. I think a TV turnoff week is a good idea but it should be on your own time schedule when there are no playoffs. And go ahead and do more than one or two weeks per year. I think it is a great idea not for environmental reasons but for mental reasons. Seriously though not during the playoffs.
Awards
I hate awards shows with a passion. It is like watching an entire industry give itself a big pat on the back or pleasure itself in some other way. Plus the fact that one movie or album gets proclaimed the best doesn’t mean anything to me. I usually hate what was picked anyway. I can’t understand why anyone wants to watch awards shows. The bad jokes, the political jabs and all the pretentious movies/music and millionaires; it is just too much for me to handle. Isn’t it award enough to get paid millions of dollars for playing dress up on camera or acting like you are a musician? Do they really have to get a trophy too? Another thing that really really bothers me is when one of the winners gets up and says something like, “If you keep trying, anything is possible.” The fact is that anything is not possible. Let’s crunch some numbers. 7 billion people in the world, most of them would like to win the award that was just given out. They only give it out once a year which means that in the average lifespan of a person they will give out about 75 of them leaving us a few billion short. Clearly it is not possible. Sorry Kevin Garnett you were wrong. “Anything is Possible” is a much easier phrase to say when you have just won something that the other 6.8 billion people in the world will never win. The next time the kid at Taco Bell repeats my order properly I will proclaim, “ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!!!” just so I can proclaim it with joy in my lifetime. But who am I kidding, those screw-ups at Taco Bell won’t ever get it right.
I do wish that I could watch the Razzies on TV. And I wish they were hosted by celebrities and had all the bad jokes. It is just nice to see the worst in something proclaimed and given a trophy. Sadly it is still not possible for all of us to win Razzies. Check out all the winners/losers.
I am very happy to see that Indiana Jones won for worst remake, sequel, prequel or ripoff. Very rightly so.
I have no idea who won any of the Oscars. But I will tell you that my “Movie of the Year Award” is split between “Iron Man” and “The Dark Knight”.
Pssst, You Look Stupid (FauxHawk)
Many people choose to follow trends that will make them look back in a few years and hopefully feel embarrassed that they were so dumb. We need to help such individuals out by pointing out to them that they look stupid. It may seem negative but it is actually done out of love. Plus it’s a joke.
The FauxHawk
What You Are Saying:
“I want to show that I am a cool ‘rocker’ type who doesn’t care about what people think. But I don’t have the guts to go all the way and shave the sides of my head.”
Makes People Think of:
Someone sitting on the top of your head and squeezing their cheeks when they stand up.
Insulted Person Says to Me:
“Sorry we can’t all have a ‘normal’ hairdo or don’t want to shave the sides of our heads.”
My Reply:
“Apology NOT accepted!!!!!”
Currently Rolling Over In Grave(s):
Mr. T
The Last of the Mohicans
You are welcome.
Album Recommendation – Thornley “Tiny Pictures”
One day back in 1997 I was driving along listening to the radio. Suddenly a song came on that shocked and amazed me. The song had big, blasting power and lots of stuff that guitar people love. It even had a hoedown section. I was thoroughly impressed and was preparing myself for the torture that would come as I tried to find out the song and band name. To my surprise, the DJ actually came on after the song ended and said that it was “The Oaf” by “Big Wreck”. It just so happened that I was on my way to Circuit City. When I got there, I believe it was fate that the music video for “The Oaf” was playing on the televisions. I decided to “go blind” on an album purchase and get “In Loving Memory Of…”. Going blind on an album is often dangerous and can leave you with a really bad album on your hands that only has one song that you like or liked at one point. In the modern era of itunes and such it is a near impossibility to go blind on an album.
I bought the album and took it home for a listen. I got all situated for a good listening experience hoping to not be let down. The first song on the album was “The Oaf” so of course that was enjoyable. Then I went through the rest of the album and when it finished and I sat up having never felt so satisfied with a first listen of an album in my entire life. The main brain behind the operation of Big Wreck was a fellow named Ian Thornley. Big Wreck had another album come out four years after the first and then they split up.
Three years after the last Big Wreck album a friend told me that he heard something about Ian Thornley starting another band. I had to check it out and sure enough Thornley had an album out. This album was a good one but it felt very contrived and lacking in certain aspects to me. The layers and layers of guitars didn’t seem to be there and nothing really amazed me. Don’t get me wrong I liked it, but I felt like much of the songwriting and mixing was geared towards trying to fit in with a style that wasn’t natural for Ian Thornley.
Five years after that album (that’s right 5, cinco, V, FIVE) Mr. Thornley has finally got another album out. I listened to the first single on the website a few weeks ago and was a little frightened. I knew that Nick Raskulinecz was the Producer of the album and he had done a great job for the Foo Fighters, but the single I heard on the website sounded, to me, like it had been mixed by Kelly Clarkson. This made me frightened as February 10th approached.
I have major issues with Thornley’s stupid record company too. They are called 604 records and are based in Canada. First off, they have an amazing guitarist and songwriter and they make people wait 5 years between albums. Word on the street is that the songs have been written and ready to get out for 2 or 3 years at least. Next they have only released this new album in Canada. You can’t even get it on itunes in the US. Thirdly, I hate the band Nickelback and the company is owned by the singer. Fourth, I pre-ordered the album from the 604 website and I am pretty sure I was one of, if not, the first to order it. But I have not received it even though they said they were going to ship it a few days before it came out. Fifth, how hard can it be to print an album in vinyl? I love vinyl records and would really love a copy of this album in vinyl. The cover was done by famous Pink Floyd album designer Storm Thorgerson and who wouldn’t want a record sized piece of his artwork?
Since the album came out yesterday and I didn’t have it yet, I resorted to less than respectable means of getting it. Since I paid for it and am waiting for it, I figure I am covered. I listened to it and was not too let down and must state that I do like it. The first single, that I listened to on the website, has a different and better version on the album that sounds more Bachman Turner Overdrive than Kelly Clarkson. The rest of the songs are, for the most part very well written and mixed. Ian Thornley’s guitar mastery is fully on display in the album. It is filled with tons of little things that make guitar fans giddy. Many different fun instruments can be found throughout the album, such as mandolin, banjo, steel guitar and I think I even heard a banjolin in there too. Some low points of the album include the first track, which has some really bad lyrics and a ridiculous children’s choir and the ninth track which is nothing special. There are some moments that feel a little Nickelbackish too, which adds to why I don’t give it a perfect ten, but Ian Thornley could make Michael Bolton material more appealing to me. As I continue to listen to it I think it may hold up with some of my favorite albums, but probably not top ten, or maybe even twenty. It is just so rare that an album comes out that I would recommend, so I recommend this one.
Listen to an overcompressed radio preview of it that sounds nowhere near as good as the album
or
Go Buy it and wait forever to get it.