Opinions are like armpits. Yours stink and mine smell like morning meadows … or sport
Videos
I have a swamp cooler in my house and I hate it. Every summer I feel like I am trapped in a fat lady’s armpit. The swamp cooler makes it seem worse, because in my mind, if air is blowing it should cool me off. But it just feels like a giant blow drier. When I am in the broiling heat of summer, watching this video of my brother Jared makes me yearn for winter.
Then when it actually is winter, I kinda want summer back.
If you weren’t reading right now, I would ask you to close your eyes and imagine with me that you are in your car, stopped at a light. You look over to the passenger seat because you think you see a dollar bill over there. Your eyes have been off the light for about 0.42 seconds when you suddenly hear a loud obnoxious honking from behind you. The light has turned green and either Jack Bauer is behind you and needs to get downtown “NOW!!!” before the bomb explodes, or you are in front of an impatient jerk.
You may feel far too lazy to get out of your car and rain down blows upon them, or your parole officer wouldn’t like it if it happened again. What do you do? Honking is, pretty much, only effective for those in front of you. It seems that you are left with no way to let them know they hurt your feelings and all you can do is drive away like a wimp. Although, sometimes you can wait until the light turns red and then take off, leaving Honky McGee sitting at another red light. That one gets old after about the 20th time you do it and you also run the risk of Charlie Manson Jr. being behind Honky McGee in the line of cars. Also, if it really is Jack Bauer you will have some splainin’ to do. Personally, I don’t think about it anymore. I have a secret weapon. (Watch Video) cont. below.
With this weapon I can let someone know that, surprisingly enough, their honking wasn’t appreciated. It also works great if someone is tailgating you. I have made people who were tailgating me laugh at being squirted.
There are a couple of things I would like to do. First I want to put a big dog leg on the back of the Jeep that will lift up when it squirts. Next I want to have somebody on a scooter or motorcycle do something to anger me while they are behind me in traffic. Don’t worry I won’t go looking for trouble, I will only use this power for good, not evil. This was not something I did to my car on purpose, it just wore out on its own. But who am I to question this serendipitous blessing?
Let me be very clear about one more thing too. If you were staring at the imaginary dollar bill in the passenger seat for five minutes, then you deserve to be honked at and you should suck it up and drive away promptly. Now drive courteously.