Opinions are like armpits. Yours stink and mine smell like morning meadows … or sport
“I’ll be honest with you, I love his music. I do. I’m a Michael Bolton fan. For my money, I don’t know if it gets any better than when he sings ‘When a Man Loves a Woman’.”
Mr. Bolton has been known well in mainly two areas; adult contemporary music and comedy. It is nice to see him participating in creating material for the latter for a change.
When you have run up debt and bills so high that you cannot fathom the numbers the best and quickest way to make your problem go away permanently is demonstrated in this video:
It is really that simple people, and if you disagree you are a racist who wants old people to die.
Can you believe how many people actually try to make cases for all of the above?
When planning the crime of the century it is probably a good idea to make sure you haven’t accidentally dialed 911 with dispatch now recording your plans. I guess you could do that if you were getting bored with the monotony of the average heist and wanted to add something to up the degree of difficulty.
Who doesn’t love a good stupid-criminal story?
I don’t really need to say anything about this. The guys at How it Should Have Ended are hilarious geniuses.
I am fully behind Barack Obama as candidate for president. I really want to know where I can volunteer to help out in this cause. He has already shown that he can create jobs and vastly increase exports and economic activity…
If you are as sick of hearing about Bin Laden as I am then you are in the right place today. Let’s have some levity. I noticed a few things about a popular figure some time ago that led me to an exciting conclusion. As you may have guessed that character is Jiminy Cricket from the Pinocchio story.
“What big revelation could you could possibly have about an old cricket?” I hear you asking. Well, Jiminy Cricket is, in fact, a Mormon Cricket. I have a very strong case for my conclusion and once you are filled in you will agree.
1. First off, I noticed great similarity between the way that Jiminy dresses and the way that the first President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (aka Mormons), Joseph Smith, dresses.
It may be just the way that Jiminy has always dressed or it could be an Arthur “Killer” Kane style shout-out to Smith via wardrobe.
2. Mormons also have a strong belief in carefully selecting what you put into your mind with things like entertainment. Mormons are taught that many types of entertainment can entrap you and ultimately get you to a place you do not want to be. If that sounds familiar within the Pinocchio story then you might be remembering the showbiz boss Stromboli trapping Pinocchio in a cage. And who eventually gets Pinocchio, an impressionable youth, away from the evils of showbiz? Jiminy again. Are you seeing the pattern?
3. Now, again like Joseph Smith, Jiminy was also witness to visitations of heavenly beings. Jiminy saw the Blue Fairy when she made Pinocchio come alive as a puppet and made Jiminy his conscience and then again when she saved Pinocchio from Stromboli.
4. My next reason is one of the most compelling. When Pinocchio ends up gallivanting around Pleasure Island, who was it that came and stopped him from drinking alcohol and smoking? That’s right, Jiminy. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a code of health that is called the “Word of Wisdom” which proscribes the use of alcohol, tobacco, coffee, tea and harmful drugs in addition to encouraging eating healthily. It is possible that the cricket was trying to help Pinocchio follow this Mormon rule.
5. In the story Jiminy also saves Pinocchio from a lifetime of humiliation and slavery as a jackass. This can be likened to the majority of Mormons’ rejection of progressive democrat(jackass/donkey) policies.
6. Mormons also believe in receiving personal revelation from God through the Holy Ghost. In the Bible, the Holy Ghost is related with a dove. In Pinocchio’s story Jiminy gets a note from a dove that originated from the Blue Fairy. The note tells him about Geppetto being lost at sea.
7. Mormons also believe in modern prophets. What biblical imagery is brought to mind when I mention being swallowed by a whale? How about the prophet Jonah?
8. Now while they were looking for and inside of Monstro the Whale, did you happen to notice where everybody was? That’s right…underwater. Mormons are known for their missionary program throughout the world. They travel all over and talk to people about God, revelation, restoration and, of course, Baptism.
9. After he has helped Pinocchio to become more than he previously was and turn into a real boy Jiminy gets a big gold badge with writing on it. This reminds one of the writing on the gold plates from whence the Book of Mormon was translated, does it not?
I think I have made a pretty solid case for Jiminy being a Mormon. Who knows why he hasn’t told any one by now? Maybe he is afraid of being mocked and painted as something he is not or maybe he is waiting for the right time to tell his parents that he converted. I think it is most likely that he has been too busy pulling Pinocchio out of horrible situations to even get a word in about it. That’s OK Jiminy, I told everyone for you.
Hi, I’m Jiminy
I’m a Mormon.
For those who may believe that I am actually saying that a cricket was baptized as a member of the LDS faith, I am joking.
It is no secret that I am not a fan of George Soros and his many tentacle organizations. One of the most idiotic out there is “Think Progress”. I have actually never found writing on their site that is not seriously flawed in almost every paragraph and in many cases every sentence.
Today I followed a link to an article about the recent tornado activity in the south. I will not link to it as I do not wish to give them more traffic but, if you feel you must see it, the url is http://thinkprogress.org/2011/04/28/tornado-global-warming/ . The article is focused on the fact that representatives from these states are “Global Warming Deniers”.
The congressional delegations of these states — Alabama, Tennessee, Mississippi, Georgia, Virginia, and Kentucky — overwhelmingly voted to reject the science that polluting the climate is dangerous. They are deliberately ignoring the warnings from scientists.
The congressional delegations of those states did not vote to reject that “polluting the climate is dangerous”. They voted to not allow the EPA to regulate the crap out of them with a report that states that the very act of human breathing or farting is polluting the atmosphere and destroying the world. The linked report makes CO2 a dangerous substance and a threat to public health. I don’t know about you but if I couldn’t breath out CO2 I would be quite unhealthy. And if plants couldn’t take in CO2 they would die. This report also might as well have gone for the gold with listing the most prevalent greenhouse gas “Di-hydrogen Monoxide” as a dangerous threat to public health. The EPA wanted to regulate human behavior (not really breathing and farting, but in the future who knows?) when the overwhelming majority of these substances are not within human’s ability to control.
Following a link to a similar page (here if you must – http://wonkroom.thinkprogress.org/2011/04/28/global-boiling-denier-tornadoes/) the same article author comments that “It is, in fact, #toolate for at least 247 people.“ meaning that his global warming god swooped down and killed the people because their legislators nullified something that would have stopped the “global warming”. We just had one of the coolest Marches in a long time, which may contribute to the high number of tornadoes. With this being the case having the earth warm up would be a very good thing (as if we could control the weather). Weather patterns and changes have been around as long as the earth has. The deadliest tornado in U.S. history was in 1925 when there were far fewer cars and people around than now. Were those 695 people killed by global warming and legislative mistakes too? What about the last major tornado outbreak like this in the U.S. in 1974? Scientists were still bitterly clinging to the global cooling meme when those occurred and 300+ people died.
Apparently to get the earth back to a good healthy place we should drastically reduce the human population since we breath and fart so much. There are people who say that the optimum human population for earth is 50,000,000. Using that premise it’s a decent start that 247 people were killed by the wrath of Gaia.
Let’s look at some of the other sweet condolences left by think progress commenters:
Well, those global climate-change deniers are losing voters by the hundreds.
Mother Nature’s plan to deal with the two-legged cockroaches has begun to be implemented.
Yeah – God is trying to tell them that they’re idiots. Not surprisingly, they’re not getting it.
Give it a decade, and when the weather completely ravages the South, they won’t be able to participate politically, and the rest of the country can pass intelligent legislation to save itself.
I do not share the religious belief with these people that humans are making weather change. I think it is natural changes that have always happened relating to things like ocean currents, ground and air temperatures, releases of substances by the earth and, of course most obviously, heat and activity levels of the sun. I believe that we need to take good care of the earth and that what comes out of my tailpipe is obviously not a good thing, however, I do not have the faith or confirmation from the holy spirit of gaia that it is causing earthquakes. I personally would like to see cleaner energy sources that can perform as well as current fuels. But I still do not think humans are causing tornadoes.
I send my real condolences and support to those who have lost loved ones and have had their lives ravaged by this Natural Disaster.
Hayek and Keynes. Most people have never heard of either of them. At the pointless “Rally to Restore Sanity” a great many geniuses were infuriated and flummoxed by a sign asking if Obama was Keynesian:
Leaving this embarrassing ignorance aside, Keynes and Hayek are metaphorically duking it out every day. Viewing historical examples Hayek has beaten Keynes into a bloody pulp. Despite the historical beat-downs powerful people still love and use Keynes. I really appreciate the series of videos that have been put out by EconStories explaining the differences between the two. The latest video is well worth the educational watch:
The fact that Hayek is so disrespected, first by a cavity search then by being declared the loser after knocking Keynes out, is downright hilarious to me as it rings very, very true. Good to see Hayek get a little respect from non-Federal Reserve types at the end. Even though what is represented here has serious consequences in the real world the video is pretty dang funny and even has a Bernanke look alike.
This week in his address, President Obama went after everybody’s favorite scapegoat, Big Oil. Regarding gas prices he called out speculators and got after oil companies for taking subsidies. Let it be known that these “subsidies” are tax breaks for exploration and extraction. So what’s his big solution that will send fuel prices back down quickly, just like the ocean levels, and with them prices for food, clothing and other necessities?
Instead of subsidizing yesterday’s energy sources, we need to invest in tomorrow’s. We need to invest in clean, renewable energy. In the long term, that’s the answer. That’s the key to helping families at the pump and reducing our dependence on foreign oil. We can see that promise already. Thanks to an historic agreement we secured with all the major auto companies, we’re raising the fuel economy of cars and trucks in America, using hybrid technology and other advances. As a result, if you buy a new car in the next few years, the better gas mileage is going to save you about $3,000 at the pump.
So his solution to our current short-term problem is one that cannot be realized today. All of these renewable technologies are most likely decades away from energy production anywhere near the scale that oil has now, which means that we will be dealing with higher gas prices for quite a while to come. Oh, but did you notice that in his solution he never even pretended to want to do something to help lower gas prices soon? He only wants to make you buy a new car so you can save $3,000. How about lower prices and more efficient cars? This is a case of making invention the mother of necessity. What about people like me who already have a fuel efficient vehicle? Where is our savings? He already made it clear that we should not complain about high gas prices if we are getting bad mileage. I get 32mpg in a Jeep, can I complain?
Perhaps my favorite part of this story is the fact that he has put together a task force to get to the bottom of these skyrocketing gas prices and maybe find out whose a** to kick. Ooh, I like a good mystery. Maybe Barack should send the task force over to his Secretary of Energy’s office to get to the bottom of this. In 2008 Secretary Steven Chu said, “Somehow we have to figure out how to boost the price of gasoline to the levels in Europe”. Maybe Mr. Chu will tell us if he has figured out how to do that yet.
The next stop on the task force’s mission should be looking into the permitorium in the Gulf of Mexico. Since the BP spill, average gas prices have increased by about $1.00 a gallon. The drilling moratorium and the current permitorium have not only destroyed jobs and part of our economy, but have impacted the spike in prices we are seeing. Not even the extra drilling that foreign companies get to do now because of U.S. funds and our increased importation of foreign oil (which we are supposed to be getting off of, by the way) can stop the price increase that we are now seeing.
Another good thing to look into would be the weakening of the U.S. dollar. Oil prices use the dollar so it just makes sense that with a weaker dollar comes higher prices. This also helps record profits for “Big Oil” come into focus. Obviously if they must charge more, because of the weakened dollar that is pegged to the commodity, then they will have more of those weak dollars. Places like the Fed and the U.S. Treasury would be good places for the task force to pop by. They could ask how those Quantitative Easing (aka printing more money) rounds are going and what effect they are having on the dollar. Maybe they could wait for Wednesday’s Federal reserve press conference to get some answers, but I doubt it. By the way that is a first-ever Federal Reserve press conference, that should tell you how bad things are.
All of these policies have earned our good president a re-design of one of my classics:
You were there and you lived through it but you missed a lot of it I am sure. Well let’s get you caught up rapid fire style.