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Work Work Work

My Grandpa taught my siblings and I what a good days work was. When I was thirteen we lived with our Grandparents for a bit and I cannot remember a Saturday when we did not have some project that we were assigned to do. Our tasks included helping Grandpa fix up a car for our Aunt, building a fence, helping to move an old shack to be used as a barber shop and of course, the usual mowing and caring for the yard. I appreciate the lessons learned now, but at the time it felt pretty brutal.

Flash forward a few years when I had moved closer to my grandparents to go to school. My brother Cole and I went down to our Grandparents house for Thanksgiving. We brought along our friend Dave and spent the night in the basement. In the morning we went out to throw a football around. We went to the front yard which had some snow in it. We were tossing the old pigskin around when my Grandpa came out and said, “You should go to the backyard where there is less snow.” We all thought, “Yeah that makes sense.” But there was still something in the back of our minds that didn’t seem right. Dave can smell manual labor from 10 miles away and disappeared into the house without saying anything. Cole and I went around to the back and hadn’t even thrown a pass when Grandpa said, “Hey, while you’re back here, come give me a hand with this.” We dropped the ball and went to help. It seemed like a 2 minute task. He wanted us to load an old fridge onto a trailer. We loaded it up easily enough then Grandpa asked us to drive it over to his shed and unload it. We got to the shed and we had to reorganize the shed with him. You can see how things just snowball.

Well, after we were done we went back into the house to find Dave. He was in the basement playing Grandma’s video games. Dave said he knew what was coming so he got out of there. That’s just fine, especially since he was a guest and shouldn’t have to work, it’s just funny that he disappeared so quickly.

We wouldn’t really remember just throwing a football around, but we definitely remember the time Grandpa tricked us into working on Thanksgiving morning.

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Random Things

1. Can you believe that Guns n’ Roses is releasing Chinese Democracy after something like 14 years in the making?

2. As a result of number 1 you can get free Dr. Pepper.

3. BYU plays Utah tomorrow. (Go Cougars) My prediction is that the Utes win and I would like to see the score be 34-31 since that has been the final score in more BYU-Utah games than any other score. Remember to not be a jerk fan. Just have fun with a rivalry. There are too many idiots out there that actually hate other people because they like a different team.

4. I can’t decide whether to be scared or excited about an Arrested Development movie. No one from the cast has really done anything good since the show ended and usually people try to think bigger for the movie in writing and totally miss the original vibe of the tv show.

5. I want one of these for Christmas.

6. If I was a Governor of a state or President of these fine United States, I would only pardon a turkey if their case was questionable and still had some lingering reasonable doubt. Otherwise they are a delicious danger to society and should be killed.

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1994 A Great Year for Music

With this year shaping up to be a pretty shameful year for music I have been looking back to the past for comfort. I have found the year 1994 to be quite comforting and it has a bit of everything for a wide range of tastes. If you like collections there was an INXS greatest hits album, an Aerosmith “Best of” album called “Big Ones” or you can go with the “Pulp Fiction” or “Forrest Gump” soundtracks. For the R&B, Soul-slash-Girly music crowd there was a Boyz II Men, a Sarah McLachlan and I think a Mariah Carey album. Even the Mormon Tabernacle Choir got in on 1994 and put something out.

For the rock fan here is a list of material that may be enjoyable:

  • Radiohead – My Iron Lung EP
  • Soundgarden – Superunknown
  • Tom Petty – Wildflowers
  • The Verve – No Come Down
  • Weezer – Weezer(Blue)
  • Stone Temple Pilots – Purple
  • R.E.M. – Monster
  • Pantera – Far Beyond Driven
  • Offspring – Smash
  • Nirvana – Unplugged in New York
  • Neil Young – Sleeps With Angels
  • Live – Throwing Copper
  • Pearl Jam – Vitalogy
  • Pink Floyd – The Division Bell
  • Alice in Chains – Jar of Flies
  • Johnny Cash – American Recordings
  • Jeff Buckley – Grace
  • Green Day – Dookie
  • Eagles – Hell Freezes Over
  • Collective Soul – Hints Allegations and Things Left Unsaid
  • Bush – Sixteen Stone
  • Cake – Motorcade of Generosity
  • Dave Matthews Band – Under the Table and Dreaming
  • The Black Crowes – Amorica
  • Ben Harper – Welcome to the Cruel World
  • (Last but certainly not least) Hootie and the Blowfish – Cracked Rear View

Try finding another year with as many releases that are even slightly enjoyable.

You can have a listen and travel back in time.
If you know of anything else that is listenable that was released in 1994 let me know.

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Sweet Shredding

I think these videos are hilarious. Sorry to the ladies out there as no girl I have ever showed these to has laughed, but rather ony laugh at my enjoyment of the videos.

I love the clapping and vocals

Great drums.

This could be my favorite.

Clapton hasn’t lost a step.

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Public Service Announcement

As a public service I will proclaim another very important rule for life.

When it comes to money, if it sounds to good to be true, it is.

I have seen many people get suckered in by different schemes. “Oh I am getting a return at a huge interest rate for this thing I gave money to.” they’ll say. Or they try the secret shopper scam. Signing up for some company that will help you make cash after you buy a video tape or a membership from them is another one.

I once called to apply for a job that said I would be working retail for a sporting goods company. They scheduled me for an interview and I went in even though the whole thing seemed fishy. When I got there I found that 12 other people had been scheduled for an interview at the exact same time in the same room as me. A guy in a suit came into the room and began to cut through a boot with a knife. Then he started telling us all how great selling knives would be. Technically they had hunting knives, so it was sporting goods but it was not a real job. I saw that some of the people around me seemed to be getting excited about setting their own schedules and selling knives. I could not find that same excitement. When the guy stated how much money you could make selling knives after purchasing a video on how to set appointments I said, “Yeah right” to the people sitting next to me. I would throw out the random “Psshhht” or “Oh sure!!!” at a fairly low volume as he was speaking. Then I just got a really annoyed look on my face and folded my arms, shifting in my chair for a couple of minutes. The boot cutter then said, “Excuse me. Sir will you come outside with me?” I got up and went out. The guy then said, “I am guessing that you don’t really want to do this.” I said “Nope” then turned around and hurried off.

Don’t get scammed into doing something like what just happened to my brother, which also happened to this guy. Jobs pay you, not the other way around.

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Legal Discrimination

Treating people differently based on race, sex, religion or any other distinguishing characteristic is frowned upon by our society. In many cases it is actually illegal. With this in mind I would like to draw your attention to a blatant and unfair discrimination that is widely accepted.

As a 16 year old boy my mother threatened me with having to pay for my own car insurance. I called up a company looking for a quote and they told me that to be insured on an 8 year old Honda hatchback I would have to pay $128 a month. I talked to a 27 year old man that I knew who had a Fiero made in the same year as the Honda. He said he paid $16 a month for his insurance. I was stunned. I asked many people why I would be required to pay so much. The answer always came back that it was because I was male and under the age of 25. I hadn’t had an accident and had been a safe driver. The vast majority of accidents that I have seen or heard of have involved young girls in their teens or 20’s, but I was told that males under 25 had the highest number of accidents. That could still be true, but most of my experience has been otherwise. The real point is, what if insurance companies said, “Oh you’re Asian or Jewish or black and you have the highest chance of being in an accident so we will charge you more.” (I am not saying Asians, Jews or black people are bad drivers, they are just random examples.) That would not be a policy for very long if they tried it. So why can they get away with saying that males under 25 must pay more. It is discrimination and it is wrong. I could not control the fact that I was born a male and that I was born in a certain year. If I had caused an accident I could see my rate going up but not just for being a young man. I can also see the fact that they can choose to charge whatever they want as it is their business, but I still don’t like it.

Well, I don’t really have much to complain about as I really didn’t pay for insurance much before I was 25. My name is the same as my fathers so I was always listed on the insurance and I just didn’t have any on my red Cherokee for a few years which saved me a ton of cash. Now that I have a brand new Jeep I pay around $75 a month for two people to have full coverage. It is still a waste of money, as most insurance is, but it is a much better value for the waste.

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Pictures

You know how I like pictures of things that just seem a little off. Here are a couple more.

I keep picking on Chinese food establishments, but it’s because they give me so much ammo.

To me it looks like Grimace isn’t “Lovin it”

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I Don’t Golf Anymore

I used to like to go golfing every now and then, but now, for me, it has lost its luster and any enjoyment that I may have once had is gone. This desire to hit a ball and then walk in the direction that it went didn’t slowly wither away, but rather was killed inside of me one day as I was starting a round with a friend. Come along and I will tell you the tale.

I wasn’t an extremely frequent golfer and as such, I did not see any real reason to purchase my own set of clubs. It would have been nice to have clubs that would work better for someone with a 6 foot 7 inch frame but I thought that borrowing a set of clubs from my friend was fine. He had one driver that was longer than the others which was my weapon of choice when whacking balls in various directions. For some reason, that I will not tell now, his long driver was missing on the day in question when I began this round with another friend.

I watched my friend tee off with great ease and then his brother-in-law, who came along with us, hit a good ball as well. I set up my ball and chose the longest driver that my friend had remaining in his bag when I borrowed it. I squared up and got in my usual not-so-confident stance. I felt like I was really bending over to reach the ball though. I reared back and swung a mighty swing. WHIFF!!! Nothing but air. Ouch, that’s embarrassing.

Oh well, it happens sometimes. I bent my knees a little more to really get down there and lined up for another shot. As I did this, two sweet old ladies pulled up behind us in their golf cart. I pulled back for my redemption shot and let her rip. I could have sworn that the ball went flying for about a mile, but when I looked down at my feet, there it was.

My friend and his brother-in-law had a good little laugh at that one and I think I heard one of the old ladies chuckle a little. At this moment I swore that I would not strike out. I tried to realign my chakra and calm down for a good solid hit. I swung again and missed.

Both of the old ladies laughed out loud at this miss which just encouraged my friend’s laughter more. After this I gave up on good form and control over where the ball goes. I decided, it was better to go after a stray ball than to look the fool again. I went down for a sloppy fourth swing and missed completely.

The laughter from the third miss had not died down yet and so only continued and grew louder with this fourth. I grew more frantic. I had to get that ball out of there so I could get away from these once sweet old ladies and away from the evil laughter.

With my heart rate raised and all my confidence crushed and murdered, I took an even more sloppy and hurried swing. It should be no surprise that I missed again a fifth time. Was I going to strike out twice? Through the roaring laughter I took a one armed swing which was once again errant.

I had struck out, not only once, but twice. For my seventh try I decided to settle down and maybe get a real hit in, but to no avail. Both of the old ladies had fallen out of their cart and were rolling on the ground with tears pouring from their eyes (At least I felt like they had.) I am certain that my friend and his brother-in-law really did have tears from laughing. It felt like I was at Def Comedy Jam but there were no comedians.

This was it, my eighth try. I was determined to not fail again. When you put your mind and will to it you can do anything. I pulled back and pushed all of the scorn and shame that I had felt down my arms to the end of the short club I was using. It swung like a wrecking ball towards a gigantic building that could not be missed. I was swinging for every starving child in the world, every abused woman and anyone who had ever been trodden down in this life. There was a special power in this swing that was going to solve all the world’s problems when it hit that little dimpled representation of all that is evil in this world. As you can tell, by the fact that you still have problems, I missed. I picked up the ball, threw it as far as I could and quickly walked away from the howling laughter and searing cackles.

I don’t golf anymore.

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The Once Mighty Bears

I can’t decide if watching a bear rip something to shreds or watching him beg tourists by waving is better. I think a combination of the two would be really cool.

Imagine hiking through the woods and going around the bend in a trail to find a bear waving at you.  You think “Well, this bear seems friendly.” Then the bear offers his massive paw for a handshake thus leading you to think, “Wow!! This bear knows the secret human handshake.  He’s got to be trustworthy.” Then you go in to introduce yourself and WHAM!! He tears you to pieces.