Tag: Cool

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Stupid Tax

I have never played the lottery, but I have won before. So I guess you don’t have to play to win. It is really the only thing involving luck that I have ever won in my life. I have never even ever had the chance to yell that exciting word “BINGO”, not even when playing with my sister and cousin in my grandparents basement. I gave up on it a long time ago. But I digress, bitterly. On to the lottery.

I was walking to a dumpster, behind the service station that I worked at when I saw a Texas lottery ticket shining next to the dumpster. I picked it up and scratched it off to find that it was the golden ticket that would be redeemable for $2. Back in those days $2 would buy you 2 gallons of gasoline and a pack of gum. Needless to say I was excited. I walked over to a competing gas station down the street that had lottery stuff and claimed my glorious prize.

Now let’s look at why you have to play to lose. The odds are stacked phenomenally high against you. That is all. It should be pretty obvious but apparently it is not. In a 2006 survey 30% of people with no high school degree thought that the lottery was a strategy for building wealth. Most people who purchase tickets frequently, are poor and uneducated. I came across a sweet calculator that will show you just how hopeless it is to think you will win the lottery.

So there you have it. Unless you want to throw away a bunch of money it is a bad idea.

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Superhero Week Pt. 5: Superheroes of My Own Inventing

Ok, yesterday I said we were going over the best, but I was wrong. Now we will look at the best. Don’t let the title mislead you, I didn’t come up with all of these by myself. A couple of them were invented by and with friends quite a few years ago.

Lampshademan
Once again as a bored young man grabbed a lampshade, a trenchcoat and a golf club and made up a superhero. Lampshademan. Bad guys can never find him when he stands in a corner or next to a couch. Apparently it must have either been a very popular thing to mimic or it is just so obvious and easy to come up with, because there are all kinds of fools posing as Lampshademan throughout the internets.

Bucketman/Todd Pail
Todd Pail was in a horrible accident on a school trip, which fused a bucket to his head and gave him the ability to throw bucket lids at evildoers. That’s when he became Bucketman. Bucketman is, of course, in alliance with Lampshademan which might have to change since Lampshademan has become so overdone and lame. This one was dreamed up and modeled after my friend Brandon, who previously did some posts here and I consider him one of the funniest people I know. He would eat buckets of ice cream and then put them on his head while holding the lid as a weapon

Pillowhead
Originally wore his underwear on the outside but cleaned up his act for the kids. You could punch pillow head all you want and he would just lay back in comfort. Until, of course, his pillow shifted and you actually began to hit his face. He is also in alliance with Lampshademan and Bucketman.

Milkjug
This superhero is fortified with vitamin justice and calcium. When creating this superhero we tried to make a Milkjug mask but it was really sharp around the edges and would have mutilated your face to wear it around. Milkjug rounds out the crime fighting quartet with the aforementioned heroes.

Mansquatch
Since Lampshademan is kinda lame I came up with this one a few years ago. Instead of putting something on his head Mansquatch just takes off his shirt and shoes to transform into a crime fighting juggernaut. At times he can get cold or be embarrassed if he fights crime at a formal event, but it is worth it. He has also had issues fighting crime at 7/11s and fast food joints. He wants to be in alliance with the others but has not had the chance to communicate with them in years.

Well there you have them, some heroes. Hopefully Superhero week has been as magical for you as it has been for me. If you have made up your own superheroes or anything like that, let me know about it below.

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Ultimate Superpower

When asked what superpower you want, you may instantly have a favorite response ready. I will tell you right now that your answer is wimpy and wrong if you didn’t say telekinesis. That’s right the ability to move things with thought is obviously the best power anyone could ever have. You may disagree or have several questions so read on and let me convince you.

You may ask,” But what about ______ ability or super_________?” Sorry anything you put in the blanks is inferior to telekinesis. If a person can truly move anything with their mind then just about every other power is included with telekinesis. If you want to fly, you can move yourself to the sky with your mind. If you have bullets flying at you they can be moved by your mind or you can move some thick metals in front of you to block them. If you want to be invisible you can bend the light to make it so people cannot see you. If you want to dismantle a bad guy down to his basic elements, just think it and it is done. Planning a trip to outer space, make a pressurized bubble filled with oxygen. If you are feeling a little old just pump some more youthful hormones into your body and iron out your wrinkles. If some one else is sick and needs some healing just think the germs out of them or bring the broken bone particles back together. No matter the situation it can be solved by moving things with your mind.

Unfortunately most portrayal of telekinesis shows things like moving cups across tables or lifting spaceships out of a swamp. If someone could really move things with their mind they would be unstoppable.

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Best Second Ever

A friend of mine and his wife were expecting a new baby and thought that it might come today on 7/8/9. I told them that they should have the kid at exactly 12:34.56 so the the child could have the coolest birth time ever. They had the baby earlier though. But I still celebrated today at 12:34.56.