Tag: Funny

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Origin of a Joke

We have all heard it a million times. When anyone starts to use it we could all finish the rest of the story with out hearing another word. It was funny the first 20 or so times that I heard it but now it is kind of just there. I am talking about the joke that people tell about when they were younger. You know, the one that goes like this, “When I was a kid I walked to school in the snow, uphill, both ways.” I have never thought much about the origin of this saying until the other night. I was watching Bill Cosby’s stand up in “Bill Cosby Himself”.

I heard him speaking about his father and I knew when the line was coming. He threw it out there and he got a better reaction from the crowd than I thought he would. This led me to think, “Hmmm, I wonder if that was the first time that joke was ever told.” It got a larger reaction than I, or a crowd of a thousand of me would have given it. I am going to stake the claim that Bill Cosby was the man that invented the “uphill both ways” joke in 1983. I have no evidence to suggest that it ever existed before him.

If anyone has any solid evidence as to the origin of this joke bring it forth and we will get to the bottom of this.

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Oh Joy, The Razzies

I am a fan of the Golden Raspberry Awards also known as “The Razzies”. If you don’t know, they give out awards for the worst movies in a year. They have released their nominees for 2008 and I will list a bunch here and even though I don’t partake of awful cinema often I will give my picks:

(Note: I don’t care if I spoil anything for you about any movie.)

Worst Movie

  • Hottie & the Nottie
  • Speed Racer
  • Disaster Movie
  • Meet the Spartans
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still
  • High School Musical 3
  • Dungeon Siege
  • The Love Guru
  • Postal
  • Rambo
  • The Happening
  • Meet Dave
  • Witless Protection

My pick for this is The Day the Earth Stood Still. It was the only movie I saw out of this list, and I thought it was pretty dumb. The original was a commentary on violence and humankind. This new one says that humans are destroying the earth and so humans must be destroyed. Really what they meant was cars and factories are destroying the world and so cars and factories must be destroyed. Which is what happened at the end.

Worst Actress

  • Reese Witherspoon
  • Paris Hilton
  • Jessica Alba
  • The cast of The Women
  • Camilla Belle
  • Cameron Diaz
  • Kate Hudson
  • Diane Keaton
  • Jennifer Connelly
  • Zooey Deschanel
  • Vanessa Hudgens
  • Eva Longoria-Parker

I am gonna go with Cameron Diaz just because of her face.

Worst Actor

  • Tom Cruise
  • Zac Efron
  • Dane Cook
  • Larry the Cable Guy
  • Eddie Murphy
  • Al Pacino
  • Keanu Reeves
  • Sylvester Stallone
  • Will Ferrell
  • Ashton Kutcher
  • Mike Myers
  • Adam Sandler
  • Mark Wahlberg

I have a deep seeded dislike for Will Ferrell’s work. Let’s pick him.

Worst Director

  • Sylvester Stallone
  • Uwe Boll
  • Scott Derrickson
  • Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
  • Tom Putnam
  • Marco Schnabel Jon Avnet
  • Diane English
  • Roland Emmerich
  • Brian Robbins
  • Kenny Ortega
  • M. Night Shyamalan

I didn’t see the new Shyamalan movie because I quit watching his stuff about 2 movies ago. I pick him here because if his previous trend continued, his newest movie was horrible.

Worst Couple

  • Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey
  • Kate Hudson & Dane Cook
  • Any couple from High School Musical 3
  • Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher
  • Paris Hilton & Joel David Moore
  • Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy
  • Any couple from Mamma Mia
  • Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave)
  • Al Pacino & His Hair
  • Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel
  • Mark Wahlberg & Mila Kunis
  • Sylvester Stallone & His Ego

Any couple from Mamma Mia is my pick. One, it is a funny nomination. Two I just want to get in a jab on Mamma Mia.

Worst Prequel, Sequel, Remake or Rip-off

  • High School Musical 3
  • Indiana Jones 4
  • Rambo
  • Star Wars: The Clone Wars
  • Disaster Movie
  • Meet the Spartans
  • An American Carol
  • The Women
  • The Day the Earth Stood Still
  • Prom Night
  • Speed Racer
  • X-Files: I Want To Believe

Hands down, Indiana Jones 4 is the worst. It should be the worst movie. I cannot stress how much I hated this movie.

Worst Career Achievement

  • Madonna
  • Uwe Boll
  • Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer
  • Keanu Reeves
  • Sylvester Stallone

I will give this one to Madonna, even though I haven’t seen any of her movies. I really dislike her music and that is part of her career achievement.

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Awareness Awareness

Everyone should be aware of being aware. I tried the White team test a while ago and more recently found a mystery awareness test. Give them a try.

When I first did the top one I totally missed it and on the second one I only noticed one thing change and that is because it is slightly related to the top one.

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OJ in the Future

With OJ Simpson being sentenced today I thought this would be a good time for me to travel into the future to see what is in store for him. As I looked around the future I was shocked when I found a newspaper dated April 23, 2019. The newspaper relayed the following details:

OJ Simpson knew what he was doing when he held up those sports memorabilia dealers in the Las Vegas Hotel. He had previously mentioned that he was on the hunt for the real killer of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ron Goldman. He had tracked the killer to the Nevada State Penitentiary. Knowing that no one would believe him without good hard evidence, he decided to concoct a plan to land himself in prison where he could search out the real killer. After being incarcerated for a few months he had his eye on a powerful gang leader that everyone lovingly called “Extra Cheese”. OJ could not get close enough to him without getting through the gang gatekeeper “Tiny-Hands McStabby”. After befriending Tiny-Hands and Extra Cheese he would hang out in their cell with them and talk for hours. One day OJ noticed a slap bracelet on Extra Cheese that seemed familiar. He called his man on the outside, Kato Kaelin, and asked him to bring him some old photos by the prison. Sure enough Ron Goldman was wearing the slap bracelet in one of the photos. Now more convinced than ever he hatched another plan to get the evidence.

On the predesignated day he started a fight with one of his hotel hold-up buddies over who is the greatest running back of all time. The fight soon escalated into a full scale prison riot. In the confusion he spotted Extra Cheese across the cafeteria. He had the slap bracelet on and had something dangling out of his pocket. OJ hurdled across the cafeteria faster than he ever ran through the airport. He dove at Extra Cheese and snagged the bracelet and the item hanging from his pocket. To his surprise the item was a ziploc bag filled with Nicole’s blood stained hair with Extra Cheese’s and Tiny-Hands McStabby’s fingerprints all over. Suddenly it all came together. The gloves that wouldn’t fit made so much more sense now as the gloves had belonged to Tiny-Hands. This find infuriated Extra Cheese and his band of gangsters. OJ was going to have to pull out the greatest run of his life to get out of this one. He began to head towards a gate that was closing with his old legs pumping as fast as they could. A couple of guys jumped at him but he broke their tackles and proceeded onward. He made it to the gate just before it closed capturing Extra Cheese and Tiny-Hands on the other side with mayhem surrounding them. OJ made it to the warden’s office and presented him with the evidence. Unfortunately for OJ he never told the sports memorabilia dealers what his plan was because he wanted it to seem more real. He was not released from prison as he was still guilty of the crime he was in there for.

:Isn’t that amazing. I can’t wait until 2019 so everyone else can see it.

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Bean

While you’re out saving the economy with your shopping you can think of this video.

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Work Work Work

My Grandpa taught my siblings and I what a good days work was. When I was thirteen we lived with our Grandparents for a bit and I cannot remember a Saturday when we did not have some project that we were assigned to do. Our tasks included helping Grandpa fix up a car for our Aunt, building a fence, helping to move an old shack to be used as a barber shop and of course, the usual mowing and caring for the yard. I appreciate the lessons learned now, but at the time it felt pretty brutal.

Flash forward a few years when I had moved closer to my grandparents to go to school. My brother Cole and I went down to our Grandparents house for Thanksgiving. We brought along our friend Dave and spent the night in the basement. In the morning we went out to throw a football around. We went to the front yard which had some snow in it. We were tossing the old pigskin around when my Grandpa came out and said, “You should go to the backyard where there is less snow.” We all thought, “Yeah that makes sense.” But there was still something in the back of our minds that didn’t seem right. Dave can smell manual labor from 10 miles away and disappeared into the house without saying anything. Cole and I went around to the back and hadn’t even thrown a pass when Grandpa said, “Hey, while you’re back here, come give me a hand with this.” We dropped the ball and went to help. It seemed like a 2 minute task. He wanted us to load an old fridge onto a trailer. We loaded it up easily enough then Grandpa asked us to drive it over to his shed and unload it. We got to the shed and we had to reorganize the shed with him. You can see how things just snowball.

Well, after we were done we went back into the house to find Dave. He was in the basement playing Grandma’s video games. Dave said he knew what was coming so he got out of there. That’s just fine, especially since he was a guest and shouldn’t have to work, it’s just funny that he disappeared so quickly.

We wouldn’t really remember just throwing a football around, but we definitely remember the time Grandpa tricked us into working on Thanksgiving morning.