Superhero Week Pt. 5: Superheroes of My Own Inventing

Ok, yesterday I said we were going over the best, but I was wrong. Now we will look at the best. Don’t let the title mislead you, I didn’t come up with all of these by myself. A couple of them were invented by and with friends quite a few years ago.

Lampshademan
Once again as a bored young man grabbed a lampshade, a trenchcoat and a golf club and made up a superhero. Lampshademan. Bad guys can never find him when he stands in a corner or next to a couch. Apparently it must have either been a very popular thing to mimic or it is just so obvious and easy to come up with, because there are all kinds of fools posing as Lampshademan throughout the internets.

Bucketman/Todd Pail
Todd Pail was in a horrible accident on a school trip, which fused a bucket to his head and gave him the ability to throw bucket lids at evildoers. That’s when he became Bucketman. Bucketman is, of course, in alliance with Lampshademan which might have to change since Lampshademan has become so overdone and lame. This one was dreamed up and modeled after my friend Brandon, who previously did some posts here and I consider him one of the funniest people I know. He would eat buckets of ice cream and then put them on his head while holding the lid as a weapon

Pillowhead
Originally wore his underwear on the outside but cleaned up his act for the kids. You could punch pillow head all you want and he would just lay back in comfort. Until, of course, his pillow shifted and you actually began to hit his face. He is also in alliance with Lampshademan and Bucketman.

Milkjug
This superhero is fortified with vitamin justice and calcium. When creating this superhero we tried to make a Milkjug mask but it was really sharp around the edges and would have mutilated your face to wear it around. Milkjug rounds out the crime fighting quartet with the aforementioned heroes.

Mansquatch
Since Lampshademan is kinda lame I came up with this one a few years ago. Instead of putting something on his head Mansquatch just takes off his shirt and shoes to transform into a crime fighting juggernaut. At times he can get cold or be embarrassed if he fights crime at a formal event, but it is worth it. He has also had issues fighting crime at 7/11s and fast food joints. He wants to be in alliance with the others but has not had the chance to communicate with them in years.

Well there you have them, some heroes. Hopefully Superhero week has been as magical for you as it has been for me. If you have made up your own superheroes or anything like that, let me know about it below.


Superhero Week Pt. 2: Worst Superhero Ever

I was watching a movie the other day when it came to mind that the worst superhero ever would have to be Storm from the X-Men. After I lay it out for you I think you will have to agree wholeheartedly with me.

Reason 1 – Controlling Weather is Just Kinda Lame

The only part of controlling the weather that would be handy when fighting evil-doers is the ability to control lightning. Everything else is kind of a waste. “Hey Storm, make the bad guys get frost bite.” “Oooh, pelt them with hail.” “Mess up their hairdos with a blast of wind.” All the bad guys have to do is find some shelter and her power is rendered useless.

Reason 2 – It Takes Forever

When someone wants her to clear out some fog or trigger some morning dew for enemies to slip on, she always takes a couple of steps forward, like it matters where she stands, then holds her arms out to the side and stares at the sky. Her eyes then shade over with white and the clouds in the sky shift. The whole time the bad guys just watch her as she stands there. If any of these villains had any sense they would shoot her while she is out there with her arms spread for 5 minutes summoning their meteorological demise.

Reason 3 – Not a Big Berry Fan

It doesn’t have much to do with the powers of the character but I just don’t really like Halle Berry. There are a whole host of better people that could have been Storm in the X-Men movies. To name a few, we have Oprah, Michelle Obama, Rudy Huxtable and Jim Gaffigan. Well I guess I only have actively positive feelings for Rudy and Jim so strike the first two from the record, but retain how funny it would be to watch Oprah’s eyes glaze over and see her spin around and slap bad guys.

So there you have it. It may still be up for debate but as of right now, the worst superhero ever is Storm.


One Lousy Grandfather

I enjoy the classic Willy Wonka film with Gene Wilder as much as anybody. I did not like the newer Johnny Depp version of the story at all. There is one huge thing that really bugs me about the story especially as told in the older version. Charlie Bucket’s Grandpa Joe is the worst grandfather in movie history. Let us explore some reasons for my conclusion.

Lazy Sack
While Charlie’s mother slaves away to support not only Charlie but many elderly people who all share the same bed, Grandpa Joe just sits there, in bed, wasting his time sucking up resources for tobacco money. When Charlie gets the ticket he doesn’t choose to take his hard-working, caring mother, he wants Grandpa Joe to come. Bedridden Grandpa Joe? How could he possibly make it? Oh wait, now suddenly he is singing and dancing around the bed. All this time he could have jumped out of bed and improved life for his family by working and didn’t. As soon as a chance to see a chocolate factory comes along he is Mr. Go-getter.

Bad Influence
Grandpa Joe later tells Charlie to steal the fizzy lifting drinks and almost gets him killed by the strangely-placed chopping fan at the top of the super tall room. Good idea Grandpa. This later gets Charlie yelled at by Gene Wilder and appears to cost him his winnings. It is at this point that Grandpa Joe with his great wisdom tells Charlie that they were going to give Slugworth the everlasting gobstopper. Luckily, that time Charlie didn’t listen to Grandpa Joe and he gave it back to Wonka.

This Video
The fact that Grandpa Joe didn’t react like this also makes him a horrible Grandparent.

It is things like these that make Grandpa Joe a shining example for his impressionable grandson. Way to go Joe.


Shutup. OK. : UPDATED

Still putting the new versions of videos up.

My brother Jared used to torture me when I was trying to go to sleep. I thought I would slap together a little animatic to let you in on my pain.

Basketball Video: UPDATED

Since I saw a butt on an ad after a video played on the old video player I was using (don’t use Revver) I switched to the old youtube and am re-posting my old videos so enjoy them again:

This is a dumb video I did a while back for a project in a class I had to take.

If you look close you can see my hand throwing the ball at the guy. We also gave him a wedding cake magazine to use in the beginning, in case you didn’t notice. We actually had to use a stunt double for the guy at the end because we made him run so much. The original guy, at the end, was actually laying there looking like that for real and we decided to shoot him. Then I rolled my basketball at him.