Opinions are like armpits. Yours stink and mine smell like morning meadows … or sport
I haven’t seen many movie trailers that have really caught my eye for a while now. When I saw this one it was so inspiring and hilarious that I couldn’t help but want to see it.
Paragraph about desire to see the film. Additional sentence in aforementioned paragraph. Another statement to drive home the purpose of the paragraph.
Final clever quip about movies.
Back in junior high math class one of the most interesting sections was the proofs. The transitive property is famous for it’s very sound logic. If a=b and b=c then a=c. Let’s take some cliches and apply this property to them just for the halibut.
1. If Time is Money and Money is Power then Time is Power.
2. If God is love and Love is blind then God is blind.
It doesn’t really work because our cliche sayings are not very logically sound. Time and money and power are not equal to each other. God is not actually love itself and love does not require braille. We humans love metaphors and other devices to help us grasp concepts and ideas.
Wow, that was very nerdy.
I would just like to take a minute to promote a great show that is unavailable in the U.S. on television. It is called the IT Crowd. I think they were going to make a U.S. version or they may have already tried it and failed. The U.K. version is hilarious and it is unnecessary to try to change it for the U.S.. Follow these links and enjoy the hilarity:
I recommend it as long as you are aware that they have different ideas in the U.K. for what is considered offensive language.
Alright people, the only awards that mean anything are back and they have all the worst junk from the previous year. They also have some special decade awards for those who have tortured us the most for the last ten years. This year is also special because they have been going for 30 years now. Who doesn’t love the Razzies?
Worst Picture:
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
My Pick: I haven’t actually seen any of these movies. I would have to pick Transformers though, because of the sweet How it Should Have Ended video.
Worst Actor:
All Three Jonas Brothers – JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Will Ferrell – LAND OF THE LOST
Steve Martin – PINK PANTHER 2
Eddie Murphy – IMAGINE THAT
John Travolta – OLD DOGS
My Pick: Again, haven’t seen any of these. I would have to go for either Ferrell out of pure hatred or Travolta because of his track record.
Worst Actress:
Beyonce – OBSESSED
Sandra Bullock – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Miley Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Megan Fox – JENNIFER’s BODY and TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Sarah Jessica Parker – DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?
My Pick: Wow, haven’t even heard of most of these. And I can’t decide who deserves it based on my equal distaste for them all. They all win my pick.
Worst Supporting Actor:
Billy Ray Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Hugh Hefner (as Himself) – MISS MARCH
Robert Pattinson – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka) – LAND OF THE LOST
Marlon Wayans – G.I. JOE
My Pick: At this point I am really just listing them for your information. I have not seen one of these films so far.
Worst Supporting Actress:
Candice Bergen – BRIDE WARS
Ali Larter – OBSESSED
Sienna Miller – G.I. JOE
Kelly Preston – OLD DOGS
Julie White (as Mom) – TRANNIES, TOO
My Pick: Still no.
Worst On-Screen Couple:
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – THE JONAS BROTHERS 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – LAND OF THE LOST
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
My Pick: Oh Boy.
Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel:
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Pink Panther 2 – (A Rip-Off of a Sequel to a Remake)
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon
My Pick: To mix it up I will throw another pick at stupid Will Ferrell.
Worst Director:
Michael Bay – TRANNIES, TOO
Walt Becker – OLD DOGS
Brad Silberling – LAND OF THE LOST
Stephen Sommers – G.I. JOE
Phil Traill – ALL ABOUT STEVE
My Pick: I give it to Will Ferrell again.
Worst Screenplay:
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon
My Pick: Not much variety in these lists.
Worst Picture of the Decade:
Battlefield Earth (2000) – Nominated for 10 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 8 (Including Worst Drama of Our First 25 Yrs)
Freddy Got Fingered (2001) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 5
Gigli (2003) – Nominated for 10 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 7 (Including Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Yrs)
I Know Who Killed Me (2007) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 8
Swept Away (2002) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 5
My Pick: I have only seen Battlefield Earth so I have to pick it from this list. But I really must pick ‘Lost in Translation’ starring Bill Murray which is one of the most pointless and stupid movies ever. Don’t watch it.
Worst Actor of the Decade:
Ben Affleck – Nominated for 9 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, PAYCHECK, PEARL HARBOR, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS
Eddie Murphy – Nominated for 12 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT, MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME
Mike Myers – Nominated for 4 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® CAT IN THE HAT, THE LOVE GURU
Rob Schneider – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 1 RAZZIE® THE ANIMAL, BENCHWARMERS, DEUCE BIGALO: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, GRANDMA’s BOY, THE HOT CHICK,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY, LITTLE MAN, LITTLE NICKY
John Travolta – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES® BATTLEFIELD EARTH, DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, LUCKY NUMBERS, OLD DOGS, SWORDFISH
My Pick: hmmm, Ben Affleck, John Travolta, Affleck, Travolta.
Worst Actress of the Decade:
Mariah Carey – The Single Biggest Individual Vote Getter of the Decade: 70+% of ALL Votes for Worst Actress of 2001 – GLITTER
Paris Hilton – Nominated for 5 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 4 RAZZIES® THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE of WHACKS, REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA
Lindsay Lohan – Nominated for 5 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES® HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, JUST MY LUCK
Jennifer Lopez – Nominated for 9 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® ANGEL EYES, ENOUGH, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, MAID IN MANHATTAN, MONSTER-IN-LAW, THE WEDDING PLANNER
Madonna – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,”“Winner” of 4 RAZZIES® DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE NEXT BEST THING, SWEPT AWAY
My Pick: Did you expect me to be able to pick just one? Winners all around.
His name is Alexei Filippenko and he is much more than just a TV scientist like Mr. Wizard or Bill Nye. Alex is often on the show “The Universe” on the History Channel. The reason that I like him so much is that he seems to always be smiling.
Continue reading “My Favorite TV Scientist”
There are thousands of things that have happened in the world of music that have made many a good man sick to his stomach. These are 10 of the most vile and abhorrent offenses against music and all that is good and right with the world.
10. We are the World
I wanted to be specific so I chose one prime example of a cheesy celebrity sing-a-long, but there are many more painful examples of this. Anytime there is a problem in the world there will always be a long list of sappy celebrities to sing a song about it and make everything worse.
9. Carl Lewis Starts a Human Chain
A wonderful treat straight out of the 80’s. An Olympic athlete tries to unite mankind with the power of song and an old woman blowing bubbles at him in the weight room. Hilariously bad and definitely a crime against music.
8. Perfect Turd Music
This is one of the stupidest songs ever written. It will make anyone who likes actual music want to vomit. Some whiney buttmunch complaining about his Daddy. To quote the great Beavis, “Awww, is Daddy’s little girl gonna cry?”
7. Robert Plant is In The Mood
Wow. That is all I can say as I watch and see how the mighty singer of Led Zeppelin has fallen. Another of the tremendous atrocities against music that we get from the 80’s, this one seems to hurt more than others.
6. Mariah Carey Tramps it up and Goes Crazy
She used to be that wholesome, very talented girl that anyone could respect. Then one day everything changed. Her voice seemed a lot less golden and she was nuts.
5. Coolio Rips Off Stevie Wonder Then Gets Upset With Weird Al
Coolio had a hit with “Gangsta’s Paradise” which was a rip off of Stevie Wonder’s “Pastime Paradise”. When Weird Al Yankovic did “Amish Paradise” Coolio was upset because he never gave permission. Coolio received royalties from the song, even though he stole it from Stevie Wonder.
4. Aerosmith Medley Featuring EVERYONE
Too many cooks in the kitchen. Unfortunately all that any of them know how to cook is reheated, day old macaroni and cheese.
3. Wish You Weren’t Durst
I wonder if he did this for the nookie. I would rather hear Gilbert Gottfried cover this song than to see it soiled in such a way.
2. St. Anger
This was the culmination of many years of Metallica not being Metallica. I cried when I realized they were gone for good. I could not believe that the same name that graced the cover of “Master of Puppets” was involved with this melee of pangy crap.
1. Jimmy Page Disgraces Kashmir
Not only were there horribly retarded lyrics involved but a really bad movie too. Why did Jimmy Page let Puff Daddy do this and not let Weird Al do a polka tribute to Zeppelin?
This list is by no means complete so feel free to let me know what I have missed.
Well troopers, it is the last day that we can possibly recruit anyone to the cause for my aforementioned Decade Crusade. Unless any of us live another 90 years we will never get the chance to write a date without the unnecessary “0” before the year. If you have participated in the Decade Crusade leave a comment below and tell anyone else who has signed on to the cause to come to this site and leave a comment.
Continue reading “The End of the Decade Crusade”
I got a kick out of Max Weinberg’s kind gesture, returned for Senator Hatch’s song about Hanukkah, complete with the Mormon Tappernacle Choir and it is a pretty catchy tune (Dreidel Song):
I was thinking the other day about how relaxing it might be to be a b-roll camera man. To just go shoot footage of people doing generic things or shooting scenery would be pretty easy. Imagine my surprise when I find this video this morning:
Re-posting from a year ago.
One Thanksgiving, when I was in my early teens, one of my Grandfather’s neighbors told him that he and his family had named a turkey and started treating it like a pet. As a result they did not have the heart to kill it for their Thanksgiving dinner. He offered it to my Grandpa. My Grandpa saw this as a great opportunity to teach us grandkids about how it used to be.
We went over to the neighbor’s yard where my Grandpa set out a block to chop on and dropped a hatchet next to the block. He told me to go into the coop and grab the turkey. There he was, “Old Tweak” was his name. With a couple of my brothers we cornered him and I grabbed his legs. I dragged him out to my grandpa who was waiting with a board in his hands. He smacked Old Tweak with the board and the bird’s eyes seemed to roll around like a dazed cartoon character. While he was stunned Grandpa told me to slap Old Tweak’s head down on the block and he handed the hatchet to my brother. I was hoping to be the one to do the chopping but I had been assigned leg holding duty. I was told to not let go at all. My brother took aim and wound up for the chop. He brought the hatchet down and chopped most of the neck. There was still a piece of skin attached. Blood was shooting out like crazy. I had always heard about something running around like a chicken with its head cut off, but had never actually seen a chicken (or related bird) running around with its head cut off. I let go of the legs. I didn’t think it could actually run anywhere, since it was lying down, but would rather just kick it’s legs a bit.
I tell you now Old Tweak acted like he still had his head attached. He stood up, with a blood fountain spewing forth and his head dangling to his side, and made a run for it. My younger brothers took off after the turkey. They chased him around for about a minute then Old Tweak dropped to the turf. One of my brothers scooted towards our main course and then poked it with a stick. Upon being poked Old Tweak jumped back up and seemed to charge at Jared like a villain in a horror movie. This chase didn’t last long and Old Tweak dropped down again and kicked his legs around for a bit. Oddly enough everyone had some blood on them except for me, the person who let Tweak go. We put our future meal on the back of Grandpas truck and drove it down the street to clean it.
Cleaning a turkey is about the most unappetizing thing you can do. We dunked the bird into warm water, which was to help us pull feathers, but that made it smell like wet dog. Then, since Old Tweak was not a white turkey he had little black marks where his feathers used to be, which did not look very delicious. This all occurred the day before Thanksgiving which gave us plenty of time to forget the smell and be in the mood to eat turkey the next day. My assessment is that buying pre-slaughtered turkey is much more appetizing than the way they did it in the old days. But the old way of doing things is a lot more exciting and made for a Thanksgiving I will never forget.