Tag: Movies

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Superhero Week Pt. 2: Worst Superhero Ever

I was watching a movie the other day when it came to mind that the worst superhero ever would have to be Storm from the X-Men. After I lay it out for you I think you will have to agree wholeheartedly with me.

Reason 1 – Controlling Weather is Just Kinda Lame

The only part of controlling the weather that would be handy when fighting evil-doers is the ability to control lightning. Everything else is kind of a waste. “Hey Storm, make the bad guys get frost bite.” “Oooh, pelt them with hail.” “Mess up their hairdos with a blast of wind.” All the bad guys have to do is find some shelter and her power is rendered useless.

Reason 2 – It Takes Forever

When someone wants her to clear out some fog or trigger some morning dew for enemies to slip on, she always takes a couple of steps forward, like it matters where she stands, then holds her arms out to the side and stares at the sky. Her eyes then shade over with white and the clouds in the sky shift. The whole time the bad guys just watch her as she stands there. If any of these villains had any sense they would shoot her while she is out there with her arms spread for 5 minutes summoning their meteorological demise.

Reason 3 – Not a Big Berry Fan

It doesn’t have much to do with the powers of the character but I just don’t really like Halle Berry. There are a whole host of better people that could have been Storm in the X-Men movies. To name a few, we have Oprah, Michelle Obama, Rudy Huxtable and Jim Gaffigan. Well I guess I only have actively positive feelings for Rudy and Jim so strike the first two from the record, but retain how funny it would be to watch Oprah’s eyes glaze over and see her spin around and slap bad guys.

So there you have it. It may still be up for debate but as of right now, the worst superhero ever is Storm.

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Superhero Week Pt 1: Top 5’s

Well, what better way to kick off superhero week than to have an announcement of who will play Superman in the new movie that I have high hopes for. I will have more about Superman on day 4. And now, on with the lists.

Top 5 Worst Superhero Movies

Supergirl – The only good things about this movie are the fact that it stars Helen Slater and Mark McClure. Everything else is completely horrible. From the bad guy who’s main devious goal is to date a gardener to Supergirl watching the entire town get trashed before she changes costumes and sort of saves the day, this movie will leave you scratching your head.

Superman Returns – For a more complete list of grievances go here. For the short list, I will say that I hate that Superman is a dead beat dad in this movie and I am not a fan of the inconsistencies in his powers, which is a problem most of the time.

Batman and Robin – Horrible writing, terrible acting and the fact that they used every bad guy they had in their stable. Those are pretty much the crux of all it’s problems.

Spiderman 3 – Just watch this:

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen – This is the movie that put Sean Connery out of the acting business(with the exception of one toothpaste commercial)

Daredevil – I’ve already over-explained this one.

Heroes(TV Series) – Seriously Peter could have flown himself into the sky to blow up and didn’t need his brother to do it. I enjoyed most of the first season of this but it really fell apart at the end of that season and the start of season two was looking just as bad so I quit on it. It was a very rapid fall for something that could have been pretty cool.

Top 5 Most Ridiculously Ultra-Powered Superheroes

Doctor Manhattan – More poor writing surrounds this character from the Watchmen. He perceives the past, present and future as one but is still subject to space. Every nerd knows that time and space cannot be separated.

Phoenix – Another character that is so powerful that it just makes it no fun and makes it unbelievable that anyone could beat her.

Superman/Supergirl/Superboy – Most people are very unaware of the fact that Superman originally could not fly and had lesser powers. He could lift heavy objects and run fast and jump high but he was not near as powerful as he is now. The way he is now makes it pretty unbelievable that he could ever be defeated. Even if somebody had kryptonite he could stand back and heat-vision their faces off.

Top 5 Best Superheroes

Superman – With the aforementioned problems Superman is still the best out there.
Beast – I just like him OK.
The Tick – Indestructible and hilarious.
Batman – Ingenuity and a go-getter attitude.
Iron Man – ditto

Top 5 Best Superhero Movies

Iron Man
Iron Man 2
Batman Begins
The Dark Knight
X-men The Last Stand
X-men Origins Wolverine
Mystery Men
The Incredibles

Now on to the usual, what I missed and why I’m wrong.

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One Lousy Grandfather

I enjoy the classic Willy Wonka film with Gene Wilder as much as anybody. I did not like the newer Johnny Depp version of the story at all. There is one huge thing that really bugs me about the story especially as told in the older version. Charlie Bucket’s Grandpa Joe is the worst grandfather in movie history. Let us explore some reasons for my conclusion.

Lazy Sack
While Charlie’s mother slaves away to support not only Charlie but many elderly people who all share the same bed, Grandpa Joe just sits there, in bed, wasting his time sucking up resources for tobacco money. When Charlie gets the ticket he doesn’t choose to take his hard-working, caring mother, he wants Grandpa Joe to come. Bedridden Grandpa Joe? How could he possibly make it? Oh wait, now suddenly he is singing and dancing around the bed. All this time he could have jumped out of bed and improved life for his family by working and didn’t. As soon as a chance to see a chocolate factory comes along he is Mr. Go-getter.

Bad Influence
Grandpa Joe later tells Charlie to steal the fizzy lifting drinks and almost gets him killed by the strangely-placed chopping fan at the top of the super tall room. Good idea Grandpa. This later gets Charlie yelled at by Gene Wilder and appears to cost him his winnings. It is at this point that Grandpa Joe with his great wisdom tells Charlie that they were going to give Slugworth the everlasting gobstopper. Luckily, that time Charlie didn’t listen to Grandpa Joe and he gave it back to Wonka.

This Video
The fact that Grandpa Joe didn’t react like this also makes him a horrible Grandparent.

It is things like these that make Grandpa Joe a shining example for his impressionable grandson. Way to go Joe.

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The Movie I Wish Had Never Happened

Some movies are, of course, bad. And you feel they were a general waste of time. Then there are other movies that make you want to bust out the pitchfork and destroy anyone who was at fault. For me “Superman Returns” was just such a movie. I am a huge nerd for Superman stuff and when I heard the movie was going to be made a few years ago, I got excited. The more time passes, the more I loathe the existence of that movie. You will have to pardon me for my harshness and my desire to kick the perpetrators of this monstrosity in their faces.

I have no problem with most of the actors in the movie. Brandon Routh did a decent job and Kevin Spacey was a good Lex. Even Jam from Detroit Rock City didn’t seem out of place as replacement for the legendary Mark McClure. However, Kate Bosworth was a horrible Lois Lane; dare I say even worse than Margot Kidder.

The biggest problems I have with the movie are in the writing. First off, why would Superman go back to look at Krypton when it was destroyed? Did he not believe his Jor-El crystals? If it wasn’t obliterated, then the people on the planet obviously had the technology to get to Earth and he might have seen some of them by now. Also if he had been gone for so long, wouldn’t that kinda blow his cover since, “Oh hey, you and Clark Kent were both gone for exactly 7 years”?

Next up is the scene with the airplane versus the scene with the krypto-continent. It took Superman a long time and a lot of struggling to stop that airplane at the last minute. But, he lifted a whole freaking continent made out of Kryptonite at the end of the movie. So which is it, Superman has a hard time with a 130 ton airplane unimpaired or he can throw a continent made out of his weakness into space? How about some consistency? Of course Superman movies are not known for their consistency when it comes to his powers.

Then we have the twisted love triangle with Kate Bosworth, James Marsden and Superman. This is an overused plot device that just needs to die.

The most atrocious piece is up next with the discovery that Superman, the proverbial boy scout, is now a dead-beat dad. Now if you want to put another sequel on, you have to include an asthmatic Superboy whose parents both appear to have been teenagers when he was born. Superman has gone from someone who respects women and families to someone who owes on his child support. Although, his boy scout image was obliterated in Superman 2 when he took Margot Kidder back to his place, wined and dined her and slipped under the tin foil sheets with her. {shivers with fright} Another example of less respectable behavior is when he went back and used his power against a trucker in a diner purely for revenge. Way to help the humans Kal-El.

Finally the line uttered by Perry White, “Does he still stand for truth, justice, all that stuff?” “All that stuff???” If you are going to use the first two go ahead and have the guts to finish it off, “the American way”. The principles that America is based on are principles that will set the world free from oppressive government, if we can just get back to them and remove our own oppressive government that we have had for the last 100 years or so. Were they afraid of offending terrorists and commies? To exclude the phrase is just dumb, unless Superman really would do something like this:

Superman Returns has made it difficult for anyone to write their way out of the horrible corner these writers have made. But thinking on it more, Superman Returns is really a capstone on what has been a long line of horrible movies. Will anyone ever make a good Superman movie?

UPDATE:
Christopher Nolan really did good things for Batman after it had been dragged through the mud. Maybe he can help Superman out.

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Time Travel is Real: UPDATED

UPDATE: I must inform Mr. Hawking that he may be slowly catching up to me. Read about his theory here and then go ahead and find out why I have stated that time travel is not only possible, but is accomplished every microsecond of everyday.

Time travel has been the subject of a large number of discussions, books, movies and such. Unfortunately, they all portray time travel in an extremely unrealistic manner. I myself have previously been fooled by what seemed to be a superior depiction, of what time travel would be like, that I found in some movies. But with a little thought about it, I have come to realize what it would be like to actually travel through time. And now I will share it with you.

To the Future

Time travel is much less dramatic than you think.  In fact, I do it everyday.  Everyone does it everyday.  That’s right, we are all traveling through time.  With our time travel we are heading from point A (birth) to point B (death).  This is very simple to understand and makes time travel much less fascinating than before.  As we head from point A to point B we make observations and learn new things that help us to mark different moments in our time-line.  To take Marty McFly from the year 1985 to the year 2015 (as in Back to the Future 2) it would take thirty years.  That would make a very boring movie.

To the Past

For Marty to go back to 1955 from 1985 things get slightly more interesting.  Marty would have to have been born in 1968 or 1969 for him to be in high school in 1985, which means that if he went back to 1955, he would not exist in human physical form.  Meaning that he would be physically in many different places such as: in some dirt in a field on a farm or in the ocean floating around, waiting to evaporate and rain down in a lake near Hill Valley.  If we change the story a little and only take Marty to 1975 he would be 6 or 7 years old and he would, of course, not be aware of Doc Brown or anything in 1985.  He would also not be aware of his re-travel forward to 1985 as it would seem like he was just living his life as he makes observations and learns new things at different points in time.

The 4th Dimension

A couple of times in the Back to the Future series of movies Doc tells Marty that he is not thinking 4th dimensionally.  This is funny to me, since Doc is apparently not thinking 4th dimensionally either.  Doc tells Marty not to worry about hitting some painted American Indians below a drive in movie screen because the movie screen isn’t there in 1885.  Doc overlooks the fact that in 1885 the particles of matter that made up Marty and the Delorean are not organized into the form of a person and a car.

I used to think that the Bruce Willis movie “12 Monkeys” was an accurate depiction of time travel since he goes back in time to try to change the future but finds out that he cannot change anything.  The fact that you cannot change anything is certainly correct, but the fact that he traveled back in time and was fully grown and aware of observations he had made in the future is a huge mistake.

It is my belief that, on the time-line that is the 4th dimension, we can travel back and forth.  Traveling forward is what we call living and we make the aforementioned observations and learn things.  Traveling backward would take our particles to the older time and replay everything to the future.  As time is “replayed” we are completely unaware of anything that we did not observe or learn before a certain point and we have absolutely no idea that we have traveled back.  If you need a time machine for this to feel right in your head you can just consider your particles of matter to be the time machine.

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2009 Razzies

Alright people, the only awards that mean anything are back and they have all the worst junk from the previous year. They also have some special decade awards for those who have tortured us the most for the last ten years. This year is also special because they have been going for 30 years now. Who doesn’t love the Razzies?

Worst Picture:
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Old Dogs
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen

My Pick: I haven’t actually seen any of these movies. I would have to pick Transformers though, because of the sweet How it Should Have Ended video.

Worst Actor:
All Three Jonas Brothers – JONAS BROTHERS: THE 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Will Ferrell – LAND OF THE LOST
Steve Martin – PINK PANTHER 2
Eddie Murphy – IMAGINE THAT
John Travolta – OLD DOGS

My Pick: Again, haven’t seen any of these. I would have to go for either Ferrell out of pure hatred or Travolta because of his track record.

Worst Actress:
Beyonce – OBSESSED
Sandra Bullock – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Miley Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Megan Fox – JENNIFER’s BODY and TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Sarah Jessica Parker – DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE MORGANS?

My Pick: Wow, haven’t even heard of most of these. And I can’t decide who deserves it based on my equal distaste for them all. They all win my pick.

Worst Supporting Actor:
Billy Ray Cyrus – HANNAH MONTANA: THE MOVIE
Hugh Hefner (as Himself) – MISS MARCH
Robert Pattinson – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON
Jorma Taccone (as Cha-Ka) – LAND OF THE LOST
Marlon Wayans – G.I. JOE

My Pick: At this point I am really just listing them for your information. I have not seen one of these films so far.

Worst Supporting Actress:
Candice Bergen – BRIDE WARS
Ali Larter – OBSESSED
Sienna Miller – G.I. JOE
Kelly Preston – OLD DOGS
Julie White (as Mom) – TRANNIES, TOO

My Pick: Still no.

Worst On-Screen Couple:
Any Two (or More) Jonas Brothers – THE JONAS BROTHERS 3-D CONCERT EXPERIENCE
Sandra Bullock & Bradley Cooper – ALL ABOUT STEVE
Will Ferrell & Any Co-Star, Creature or “Comic Riff” – LAND OF THE LOST
Shia LaBeouf & EITHER Megan Fox OR Any Transformer – TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN
Kristen Stewart & EITHER Robert Pattinson OR Taylor Whatz-His-Fang – TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON

My Pick: Oh Boy.

Worst Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel:

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Pink Panther 2 – (A Rip-Off of a Sequel to a Remake)
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon

My Pick: To mix it up I will throw another pick at stupid Will Ferrell.

Worst Director:
Michael Bay – TRANNIES, TOO
Walt Becker – OLD DOGS
Brad Silberling – LAND OF THE LOST
Stephen Sommers – G.I. JOE
Phil Traill – ALL ABOUT STEVE

My Pick: I give it to Will Ferrell again.

Worst Screenplay:
All About Steve
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
Land of The Lost
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Twilight Saga: New Moon

My Pick: Not much variety in these lists.

Worst Picture of the Decade:
Battlefield Earth (2000) – Nominated for 10 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 8 (Including Worst Drama of Our First 25 Yrs)

Freddy Got Fingered (2001) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 5

Gigli (2003) – Nominated for 10 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 7 (Including Worst Comedy of Our First 25 Yrs)

I Know Who Killed Me (2007) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 8

Swept Away (2002) – Nominated for 9 RAZZIES® / “Winner” of 5

My Pick: I have only seen Battlefield Earth so I have to pick it from this list. But I really must pick ‘Lost in Translation’ starring Bill Murray which is one of the most pointless and stupid movies ever. Don’t watch it.

Worst Actor of the Decade:
Ben Affleck – Nominated for 9 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® DAREDEVIL, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, PAYCHECK, PEARL HARBOR, SURVIVING CHRISTMAS

Eddie Murphy – Nominated for 12 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES®
ADVENTURES of PLUTO NASH, I SPY, IMAGINE THAT, MEET DAVE, NORBIT, SHOWTIME

Mike Myers – Nominated for 4 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® CAT IN THE HAT, THE LOVE GURU

Rob Schneider – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 1 RAZZIE® THE ANIMAL, BENCHWARMERS, DEUCE BIGALO: EUROPEAN GIGOLO, GRANDMA’s BOY, THE HOT CHICK,
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU CHUCK & LARRY, LITTLE MAN, LITTLE NICKY

John Travolta – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES® BATTLEFIELD EARTH, DOMESTIC DISTURBANCE, LUCKY NUMBERS, OLD DOGS, SWORDFISH

My Pick: hmmm, Ben Affleck, John Travolta, Affleck, Travolta.

Worst Actress of the Decade:

Mariah Carey – The Single Biggest Individual Vote Getter of the Decade: 70+% of ALL Votes for Worst Actress of 2001 – GLITTER

Paris Hilton – Nominated for 5 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 4 RAZZIES® THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE, HOUSE of WHACKS, REPO: THE GENETIC OPERA

Lindsay Lohan – Nominated for 5 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 3 RAZZIES® HERBIE FULLY LOADED, I KNOW WHO KILLED ME, JUST MY LUCK

Jennifer Lopez – Nominated for 9 “Achievements,” “Winner” of 2 RAZZIES® ANGEL EYES, ENOUGH, GIGLI, JERSEY GIRL, MAID IN MANHATTAN, MONSTER-IN-LAW, THE WEDDING PLANNER

Madonna – Nominated for 6 “Achievements,”“Winner” of 4 RAZZIES® DIE ANOTHER DAY, THE NEXT BEST THING, SWEPT AWAY

My Pick: Did you expect me to be able to pick just one? Winners all around.

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Things I Want to See in a Movie

There are a few things that when watching a movie I really hope for. These things never seem to actually happen and I think it must be that the movie writers club has strict rules about going against the old standbys. So here are some solutions to some of the troubles with movies. If somebody rips these off, they owe me big royalties.

Bomb Drama

We’ve all seen it a badrillion times. The bomb is ticking and the wire must be cut. Well, just like me writing a class paper they have to wait for the last second. The tension is butter thick as the wire cutters head for the green, no wait, the red wire. The wire is cut after the clock reaches 00:01. Phew, that was close.

What I want, is to have someone find the bomb in time and defuse it with great ease and I want to see 32:48 left on the clock when it is done.

The Love Bet

Oh great, another dumb chick flick that you are obligated to watch because of your significant other. The boy makes a bet that he can hook up with a certain girl. He gets her to fall for him and oops, guess what, they actually fell in love. Awww isn’t that cute. But wait, she finds out about the dare and Prince Charming is in hot water. And I didn’t even see it coming.

What I want to see is when the girl finds out that he made the bet, she will laugh it off because she loves him. Then she will just tell people the cute little story about “how we met”.

Can’t We All Just Get Along?

When there is an investigation and the FBI or other federal investigators get called in, the local cops always complain about the feds helping out.

What I would like to see is the local law enforcement being appreciative of the help offered by the extra investigators.

That Stupid Song

I just wish chick flick trailers would stop using that “This Will Be” song. You know the one I am talking about. All the clips in the trailer are of people kissing, dancing or falling off of stuff and sometimes all three at the same time. And they all have the common thread of that annoying song. It is true that I only have to put up with it in movie trailers but it seems like there are 3 or 4 every year that do it. The better solution is to not make chick flicks, but I will be satiated with the discontinued use of that annoying song.

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Trailer Review: “Capitalism: A love Story”

Well Michael Moore has another movie coming out and I just saw the trailer. If Michael Moore wanted to make it such, this could be an extremely good documentary about corrupt and sinister connections between government and corporations. After seeing the trailer I am going to have to hypothesize that he will get it wrong, only tell part of the story and/or twist the truth.

The first reason for my doubts is the title, “Capitalism: A Love Story”. Apparently the documentary is about government bailouts of huge corporations, which makes the title very deceptive. Capitalism or the ‘Free Market’ system is definitely not a system in which the government intervenes and takes money from the collective and gives it to mega-corporations that have screwed things up. Doing such is definitely against free market ideas. In fact, in regards to the bailouts George W. Bush said, “I’ve abandoned free market principles to save the free market system.” (Which is like saying, “I killed my dog so I could save my dog”.) Part of the beauty of a capitalist system is that when people undertake unethical practices their businesses can fail miserably due to either a complete erosion of anything solid in the company or from outside influence such as boycotts or law enforcement, in extreme cases. Under different systems, such as a socialist one in which the collective pays taxes which are used to support businesses, it is exponentially more difficult to get rid of bad businesses. Under capitalism, when the big corrupt greedy groups fail then the smaller companies who have not been cheating get to swoop in and fill the void left by the mega-business, because there is still a need for the service. When the mega-banks got bailed out, that kept smaller banks who had not indulged in risky loans from jumping into their rightful place in the capitalist cycle.

Moore’s trailer seems to highlight the Bush administration’s role in the corrupt bailouts. And it was pleasing to see a mention of Goldmann Sachs with its dirty connections to the Bush administration. I would have liked to have also seen the Obama administration’s dirty connections to the very same company highlighted as well. It would also be nice to see him highlight the auto-maker bailouts which were supposed to prevent bankruptcy then restructuring which ended up happening anyway.

I like the idea of making a citizens arrest at AIG but I think Moore’s motives are all wrong. He seems to be trying to use a completely anti-capitalist situation to make a villain of the capitalist system. Of course he might not be but the trailer makes it look that way.

A few things in the trailer are confusing as well. Why does Moore say ‘donde’ to his cameraman who supposedly doesn’t speak English when he wants him to come outside. Maybe it’s my silly gringo ways but I thought ‘donde’ meant ‘where?’. I would have said ‘vamonos afuera’. Another huge thing is that a guy in the video says, “This is straight up capitalism, sch-schk boom” when it is clearly not capitalism. It is much more closely related to socialism, communism or especially fascism. This misrepresentation of capitalism will only serve to solidify many MTV watchers and people who don’t really understand America in their ignorant ways.

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Rise of the Robots Because of Bad Programming

I watched another horrible movie last night. If you wanted to see Eagle Eye this is my spoiler alert, the movie was crappy. The movie involved yet another computer taking over things. I am very tired of the old plot device of making a computer take control of the humans and now I am going to make perhaps the nerdiest post I have ever made.

All the computers in these movies had to be programmed by someone and I got a sneak peak at some of the source code. The first one is Eagle Eye, see if you can guess the others. I will reveal the answers in the comments tomorrow:

Scenario #1:

if(human_action != computer_recommendation){

goto plan_to_destroy_national_leadership;

plan_to_promote_world_peace:

plan_to_destroy_national_leadership:

// COMMENTED OUT send_power_surge_through_Presidents_shaver_and kill_him(“President”);

// COMMENTED OUT infect_the_GPS_navigation_for_all_cabinet_members_so_they_drive_off_cliffs(“Garmin”);

/*COMMENT – I decided to comment out the above and use the less direct approach below since we now have the quad core processors that can handle the extra unnecessary actions – END COMMENT */

make_brother_of_computer_specialist_remove_the_worthless_biometric_lock_from_computer(“Holes Kid”);

have_mother_of_band_student_wear_explosive_necklace_that_will_be_triggered_by_trumpet(“Some lady with weird looking kid”);

}

Scenario #2:

if(leading_star == “Ferris Bueller Guy”){

threaten_nuclear_war_with_another_country(“USSR”);

if(game == “Tic Tac Toe”){

run_mock_scenario_of_thermonuclear_war_then_make_deep_statement_about_war_having_no_winners();

offer_to_play_a_game_of_chess_and_make_humans_laugh_it_off();

}

}

Scenario #3:

if(robot_mood == “Ready to enslave humans”){

overtake_humans_and_use_them_as_batteries();

if(human_need == “Mind stimulation to live”){

create_intricate_virtual_world_for_people_to_live_in(“Ted from ‘Bill and Ted'”);

if(human_escape_to_underground_rave_parties == True){

Destroy(“Humans”);

}

}

}

Scenario #4:

if(skynet == “Online”){

Destroy(“Humans”);

if(human_encountered == “John Connor”){

send_robot_with_bad_accent_back_in_time_to_kill_his_mother_
but_do_it_at_a_point_in_time_when_she_is_old_enough_to_defend_herself_and_
have_relations_with_the_human_sent_back_to_save_her_thus_causing_the_birth_of_John_Connor();

}

}

Scenario #5:

if(lead_actor == “Fresh Prince”){

// COMMENTED OUT – Law_1 = “Never hurt, kill or enslave humans”;

/*COMMENT – I removed the above law and made a more vague first law to make it more exciting for us humans when robots figure out loopholes in logic – END COMMENT */

Law_1 = “A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.”;

Law_2 = “A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.”;

Law_3 = “A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or the Second Law.”;

if(robot_logic == “Law 1 means I can enslave humans”){

trap_humans_in_their_homes_and_kill_any_that_try_to_stop_evil_plot(“Holes Kid”);

if(genius_scientist_creation == “Robot with conscience”){

try_in_vain_to_continue_evil_plot_while_the_fresh_prince_destroys_system();

}

}

}

Well there you have them. If only they had better quality assurance at the companies that programmed the machines. I really must say that I am highly in favor of getting rid of the ‘Destroy’ function if “Humans” can be passed in.