Rules for Life

These are some of the rules I live by:

1. If you want to fight someone but don’t have an immediate reason to, just play Monopoly with them.
2. If you can’t say something nice, wait until that person is gone.
3. Always question someone who makes money off of whatever you are talking with them about.
4. Never talk to anyone who is holding a sign. You can just read the sign.
5. Don’t pass gas before sitting on a toilet. When you sit down it will be right at nose level.
6. Never move your player to the target to catch the ball in a football video game.
7. Always have a Zombie Plan.
8. Don’t give in to hair and clothing trends. You WILL (or should) feel stupid later. Just stick with the standard.
9. When being confronted about something, the best response is always, “So”.
10. You are never alone in the bathroom at Golden Corral.
11. People who are concerned about being judged, almost always seem to be the ones exercising bad judgment.
12. Never break wind in the shower. The smell is amplified by the tile.
13. Don’t kill, steal, lie, cheat, harm others or do bad things.