Category: Designs

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Secondhand Scruffy

Before my sister had her first baby she, of course, had a baby shower. Our chain smoking neighbor was in attendance and brought some nice gifts. One of the gifts was a previously used stuffed animal. Later in the day when my brothers, their friends and I came back we discovered this gracious gift. It was a hand-me-down that had been used by another child. I picked it up and noticed that it smelled deeply of cigarettes and immediately knew who had given the gift.

On the spot I developed a character named Secondhand Scruffy. He was a stuffed dog with long human arms that would awaken when parents left and offer the children various tobacco products. I named him “Secondhand Scruffy” for two reasons. First because he was a hand-me-down and second because of the secondhand smoke that had filled him with his odor. I think my sister threw the toy away. Just recently I got around to drawing a picture of Scruffy, enjoy.


Secondhand Scruffy

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Dangerous Turkey

Every year the president pardons a turkey and this year is no different. When I am president the tradition will be done away with and I will instead chop that particular turkey’s head off in front of everyone. This year’s criminal turkey looked a bit strange:

Still not sure why every president insists on letting these dangerous turkeys go free.

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Obama in Oiho

Some time ago the smartest president ever was campaigning in Ohio and misspelled the name of the state with three other geniuses. In progressive political fashion I have decided to not let this slide as a mere momentary mistake by someone but I will seize upon it and try to make it a serious issue that defines the president and his level of intelligence (Remember Dan Quayle).

It appears that I am not the only one to not let this go. The good people of Ohio have either attempted to make the president feel better or are mocking him right to his face by changing the spelling of the state’s name at his campaign rallies.

In addition to the aforementioned explanation it may also be possible that Oiho is a different state than Ohio which may help us to get to the number mentioned in this video which we will also hold onto mercilessly rather than attribute to a momentary lapse:

Update: In searching for more info on the land of Oiho I found this great cartoon from Michael Ramirez –

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Busy Busy Busy

I have been recording, editing, mixing and mastering songs for an album in my basement for the last little while. Therefore I have not spent that spare time making posts and such, as you may have noticed. I have resolved to make at least one post every week, even when busy making an album which I have decided to release on iTunes and the like in Feb.

To satisfy this weeks post I will put up something that is kinda dumb that I made during the recent NBA strike. I really dislike unions and this situation was no different.

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Not So Pretty Picture

I just found out that Chelsea Clinton has become a new NBC anchor. After my shock that it wasn’t Bill or Hillary that was chosen first for this bastion of fair reporting, I remembered that I drew a picture of young Mrs. Clinton in an art class when I was in high school. My art subject was selected at random from a magazine and I feel that I really captured it in a true-to-form fashion.

Uuuuuugh {shivers}

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Baby’s First 4th of July Meeting

My father’s family usually has some kind of reunion on the 4th of July. In the year that my oldest child was first in existence for the 4th, my uncle called my brother and invited us to go. My brother covered his phone microphone and asked me if we wanted to go. I wasn’t feeling like it that day and told him to say “no” and give any reason he wanted, which would have included possibly just blaming me for no one going. What happened next is one for the history books.

He uncovered the phone and said, “No we’re not going to make it. Dale has to take his baby to a baby’s first 4th of July meeting.” Everyone in the room started to laugh at him as it was the most ridiculous excuse ever made up by anyone. After he hung up I said, “Well with an excuse like that, now we have to show up.” And we went to the reunion. In honor of my brother now having a son and with it being his first 4th of July I thought it would be a great time to whip this up:

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Propaganda For People

I am devoted to uniting mankind and making the world a better place. The other night as I was flipping channels on the old tube, I saw a news commentator talking about how The U.S.A. is the best country in the world. While I personally agree, I also couldn’t help but wonder how this makes people in other countries feel. So to unite the world I have come up with some propaganda that will inspire a sense of pride and togetherness amongst all mankind.

If we can rally around the cause together we will all be one, just like in Independence Day. If somebody doesn’t like the life that they can have on Earth they can try to live somewhere else. Here on Earth there is a good chance that war or disease might kill you, but everywhere else just being there will kill you. That’s why I am proud to be a human from Earth. Who’s with me?

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Hamburger Heart Bear

Meet one of the “Apathy Bears”. He is “Hamburger Heart Bear”. His will to live was stolen by the Hamburglar a long time ago and the only joy he gets in life is when he sinks his teeth into a greasy triple stack. Diabetes and a few bypass surgeries are certainly in his future, but this is one 12 year old who doesn’t mind much, as long as he gets it “his way”.

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Ending a Bumper Sticker Battle

I do a lot of reading while in my car. Most of it is, of course, bumper stickers. There has been one bumper sticker that I have always thought was pretty stupid. It is the ” My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student” sticker.

That’s terrific. Let’s inflict bodily harm on someone who has worked hard and has made their parents proud. It has never seemed funny to me, not even when I was a dumb kid. And, no, I was never an honor student.

Now, I have had the perfect answer to that bumper sticker for a while. I cannot remember if I came up with the idea or if one of my friends did. I have not seen this bumper sticker on any cars yet, so here it is.

Maybe if your kid wasn’t wasting his time beating up other kids he could have studied and been competent enough to keep that job. Or he could have gotten along with others and not been fired. I blame the parents.

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Update For a Year Old Post

UPDATE – I didn’t win the contest from last year:

I saw an ad on TV the other day for a Captain Morgan Pose contest. This is my entry. I think it is a real winner. “He’s got a little Captain in him”

Too bad the prize is going to a party with a bunch of idiots.