Secondhand Scruffy

Before my sister had her first baby she, of course, had a baby shower. Our chain smoking neighbor was in attendance and brought some nice gifts. One of the gifts was a previously used stuffed animal. Later in the day when my brothers, their friends and I came back we discovered this gracious gift. It was a hand-me-down that had been used by another child. I picked it up and noticed that it smelled deeply of cigarettes and immediately knew who had given the gift.

On the spot I developed a character named Secondhand Scruffy. He was a stuffed dog with long human arms that would awaken when parents left and offer the children various tobacco products. I named him “Secondhand Scruffy” for two reasons. First because he was a hand-me-down and second because of the secondhand smoke that had filled him with his odor. I think my sister threw the toy away. Just recently I got around to drawing a picture of Scruffy, enjoy.


Secondhand Scruffy


I-40

Today being Tuesday September 11 is a good chance for me to post something inspired, in part, by a previous Tuesday September 11. In 2001 I was fairly fresh back from a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. My younger brother was preparing to go off to a mission in Switzerland when he drove from our old home in Texas up to Utah to see me and other people before he left. While he was staying with me I gave him a lot of things to take with him, mostly luggage and clothes. When he was heading back to Texas he blew a hole in the side of his engine just outside of Albuquerque on I-40. He hitchhiked into town and called our mother who had contacted someone in Albuquerque who could help and then got a plane ticket home for my brother. When the friend from Albuquerque drove my brother back to his car to tow it back into town, my brother was relieved to see that the tarp he had draped over his luggage in the cab of the little truck was still there. When he opened the driver side door and moved the tarp he found his luggage had been stolen and the passenger window had been broken out.

Fast forward a couple of months to when my brother was set to leave the Missionary Training Center (MTC) for the church. I was in the airport terminal in Salt Lake where my brother would take off for Dallas and then on to Switzerland. I finally spotted him heading toward the escalator. When he got to me he said that the girl behind the counter just told him that one of their (American Airlines) planes had just crashed into a building in New York. The picture that came to my mind was a small commuter with engine troubles losing control and hitting a building. I said, “You don’t say that to someone who’s about to fly” and kind of shook it off. A few minutes after 7:00 MST My brother and I then saw Joseph B. Wirthlin, who had a grandson going to Switzerland too. My brother and I kinda wandered over towards him. As I stood up to wander over that way though I thought I heard the woman who was watching the television, that I had been ignoring, say, “A second plane?” but I ignored it as it wasn’t clear if that is what she had actually said and I was very preoccupied. It seemed like just a couple of minutes before they called for boarding his flight. My brother got in line and I figured it was a good time to say good-bye. I told him I’d see him later and told him to “have fun” then walked away a little and watched him walk towards the jetway.

I then went out to my car and very quickly drove back down to my place on very clear and empty roads while not listening to the radio, but to the CD “The Pleasure and the Greed” by Big Wreck (still remember small details, as I am sure everyone else does). When I got home I was feeling good and picked up the old guitar to play a bit. I had played half of a song when mom called me and asked, “Did your brother’s plane take off?” I said, “Yes” and my mom was very disappointed. I said, “Uh, that’s a good thing ma. He’s on his way to you” (she was in the DFW airport waiting to see him on his layover). She then unknowingly quoted something that was amusing to me for only the next few seconds. It was from “Independence Day” and it was “David, haven’t you been watching?” She then said, “Turn on your TV.” As I got to my living room I asked, “What channel?” and the wall of normalcy was ripped away from me when she said, “It doesn’t matter.” As soon as the TV came on I saw smoke coming from both towers. My mother then said that they had also hit the Pentagon and may have more planes out there. Which brought my mind back to my brother. I hung up and started trying to call the MTC but couldn’t get through. I then just stared helplessly at the TV for the next 45 minutes or so while both towers collapsed.

As it turns out my brother’s plane had only made it to the end of the runway before being turned around. He was brought back to the MTC for another week before he was able to leave when flights were allowed again.

Now in order to understand somethings in what I present below you need to understand a basic tenet of LDS belief. In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints we believe that people can only be held accountable for what they know. If someone is ignorant of something they cannot be condemned for what they do regarding that item. We believe that once someone knows something that they are then accountable for that knowledge and what they do with it. Whether a person takes a piece of knowledge and uses it to better their lives and the lives of those around them or if they ignore or misuse the knowledge they have they will be rewarded or condemned accordingly.

With all of that in mind I present the song I wrote for my brother at that time. I-40:

And now it’s time to calm down, calm down now.
They’ve taken everything, everything I gave you.
I know that you’d broken down, broken down alone.
And when you weren’t around to defend your ground, they came.

Don’t let them go away.

Today was to be a great day, you’d go away and learn.
But you never left the ground, they hurt that town away.

Don’t let them go away.
And life is stolen everyday.
Don’t let them go away.

The main point is telling him to go teach people to either open their eyes or bring them condemnation based on their, now informed, personal choices. It uses very extreme cases of people choosing incorrectly against things that I think they probably were already fully knowledgable of since stealing and killing are obviously wrong. I like to think that if more people had greater knowledge this world would be a better place and that very few would choose the low road if they knew more, but if they do they will have justice done to them. So don’t let them go away without the knowledge of what is true and right.

“Brothers and sisters, we live in sobering times. Now let’s get to work.” — President Gordon B. Hinckley


Fun with Corporate Letters (McDonalds)

It is often very fun to write a letter to a company about their products or services. I once wrote a sweet letter to Charmin about a way they could save money by making rectangular sheets instead of squares. Sadly I do not have a copy of that letter or their reply which was very interesting.

Most recently I have written a letter to McDonalds about a problem I have had a couple of times at one of their establishments. Here it is:

Somebody who handles the drinks wears a ton of hand lotion. When I take a drink a smell like musky mouse urine wafts up in my face and overwhelms the taste of my drink. Normally I like the taste of mouse urine, but in this case the added moisturizers left on the cup get all over my hand and make me smell like fufu too. It is bad enough walking through a door after such a person has gone through leaving a mess of fairy snot on a door handle, but it is a whole new level when you feel like you are drinking it. Please tell the employees that lotion is something to be washed off of their hands along with the mucus, sebum, urine and excrement.

I am still waiting for a reply and will update this post with it if I get one.


Bad Dinner Invites

Inviting someone over to dine with you is a tradition that stretches back thousands of years into human history. There are some moments in dining history that boggle the mind and can be quite entertaining for years to come. Take a journey with me whilst I fill you in on three strange situations. Do not try these at home kids.

Continue reading “Bad Dinner Invites”

Still Life

As you may be aware I enjoyed annoying my art teacher in high school. One thing that anyone who has taken an art class has had to do is to draw a still life scene. In our class the teacher loaded a table in the middle of the room with fake fruit, plants, random junk and bovine skeletons. She had spotlights shining onto the subjects. We were told to select three items from the scene to draw. As you might guess this was my selection:
Continue reading “Still Life”

Meeting Famous People

Many people freak out when someone famous gets near them. I have never envied the famous when it came to privacy or the ability to do things in public. For this reason I am pretty sure that I will never meet anyone famous.

I have been around when famous people have been around and people have swarmed them. Such a scene always drives me away as I would like to not be a person who is bothering someone else so much. This behavior will help guarantee that I never meet famous people.

My claim to not ever meeting famous people comes with some caveats. The first caveat is that I have some famous cousins that I have met at family reunions and get togethers. I met Cleon Skousen (Political and Religious author) at the Skousen family reunion in 1994. At the same function I ran across Bart Oates and his brother Brad who both played in the NFL (Bart won the super bowl the season after that). I met Dale Murphy (Outfielder for the Braves, Phillies, Rockies and two time National League MVP) and have seen him at many family funerals. I don’t count these as meeting famous people because they were really just meeting family who happened to be well known.

The next caveat is meeting someone who is not really that famous or at least not in your area. I met one of the greatest musicians of all time, but his fame is overwhelmingly had only in Canada. Ian Thornley (formerly of Big Wreck) did a show which I attended. His band was the opener and afterward they said they would be in the back of the club to sign stuff and hang out. I could not resist of course since he and his band were the entire reason I had come to the show. I went back and had them sign a CD while the headlining act played. Myself and my friends along with 2 other people were the only ones back with them. It was strange because they had put on a really good show that the crowd enjoyed but since they were not famous no one cared too much beyond the occasional passerby saying “you rock” or something like that. I felt like a silly teenage girl talking to Ian, since I had heard his music in high school and thought it was amazing. Since he was not being swarmed by others because of his lack of huge gigantic fame in my area I consider this one just hanging out after a show with someone who is famous elsewhere in the world. When I write it out I guess I have met a famous person, just mildly famous, and I was not annoying about it.

I can’t believe I almost totally forgot about meeting a famous person under perfectly normal and non-teengirl screamer way. I have met and chatted with LaVell Edwards twice. Once at the aforementioned football camp where I was told that I could be an All-American tight end. The second time was in 1998 when he noted that I must be the one that gets all the groceries in the family since I was so much larger than my uncle. Those were both full fledged meeting a famous person and I cannot find a way to excuse it away.

Shutup. OK. : UPDATED

Still putting the new versions of videos up.

My brother Jared used to torture me when I was trying to go to sleep. I thought I would slap together a little animatic to let you in on my pain.

The Origin of the Stick of Justice

At a church youth activity when I was in high school we had a stick pull competition. The two contestants sit on the ground with their feet together and pull on a stick between them, with the goal of pulling the other person out of their place or having them let go of the stick.

I figured I would have a go at it and sat down with a stick. The first couple of people I beat were only joking in going against me and just having a laugh in doing so. They were followed by a couple of true believers who gave it their best but didn’t last long either. I did not participate in a match that lasted longer than 2 seconds and I am very serious about that number, it is not an estimate. Then came a big fellow from a town about 20 miles from mine whom I had seen around and knew that he was a pretty strong guy. He was a linebacker for the Permian Panthers, you know the team from Friday Night Lights. I was unsure of how a contest between the two of us would go as I was the strongest basketball/track guy but did not play football in any organized way, for very long anyway. If anyone could stop my reign of terror it was him. He had defeated everyone he went against with ease as well. As he sat across from me my stomach began to churn with nervousness. I began to imagine that I would shortly be dethroned. I had actually started caring about competing somewhere around my 6th victory. Since we had both defeated everyone else this was the title match. People gathered around and one of the leaders had a stick with a leather strap through it that had some writing etched on it, which was apparently the trophy for the winner.

We each took our grips on the stick between us and waited. I was a wreck inside and felt certain that I was going to lose the 2 out of 3 matches that would be required for this title match. As we waited for the word to begin I could have quit right there as I was no longer feeling it. The word came and the instant seemed like it was longer, but it was only half a second at most, all in that short time I felt me pulling him up off the ground barely when his foot slipped. With the slippage we were stopped and reset, as it was a misfire. This time I felt much different before we began. The word came and we struggled from side to side for a few seconds before I had pulled him almost up and over the top of me. “Just one more quick one”, I thought to myself. We got set again as I was boiling over with confidence and was drunk on power. You might expect that this is the part where I was served humble pie and quickly lost a match. If you thought that then you were wrong. This match was much quicker than the first and closer to my average victory time. I was declared the winner and shook hands with my, before then, unknown competitor. I expected straightaway to be handed the trophy stick for my decisive win but I had one more challenger. The man holding the stick was from a place called Monahans and he was the guy who scared everybody. He would play with giant tarantulas and had a huge beard that you could hide all kinds of weapons in. He was also very very large. I would have put him at about 280 lbs. to my then 220 lbs. He sat down and said, “You are the winner of the competition but you still have to go against me.” If you guessed that now I was nervous, you would again be very wrong. Even though this was a full grown, bearded, scary guy I was calm like a bomb. I will save you the time and tell you that I beat him faster than the other guy. It was a breeze.


Upon receiving my award I promptly named it “The Stick of Justice”. I still have it and cherish it to this day, as it is the only trophy that I still have from anything. It has an amazing power in that it repels bad guys for some strange reason, as I will tell you about later.

There is a small and annoying shadow that hangs over this victory. It comes from a friend. This friend has been claiming that he beat me at the stick pull that day and he has been spreading his lie for years. He has tried to spread the lie to me twice in the last few years and I remind him that I have the trophy and was completely undefeated that day. It doesn’t seem to sink in and next time I see this friend I imagine he will try to bring up the lie again. It will not work though as I have a perfect recollection of that day and of course the trophy “Stick of Justice”.