Current Schemes

ATV’s on the street

I want to save more money on gas, but I am too lazy to keep a motorcycle or scooter balanced while riding.  A four wheeler would be perfect.  I once called a sheriff’s department to ask them why they aren’t street legal and how I could fix it and they said they didn’t know.  I asked a lady at the DMV and she said they were too dangerous.  I replied by telling her that motorcycles are just as unsafe if not more so.  She was stumped as well.  I imagine I would just need to put mirrors and lights on one.  If anyone has definitive answers let me know.

Chunky Brownish Yellowish Gold

I just learned that something called ambergris is worth a lot of money.  It is used in perfumes and junk like that.  It is actually whale vomit.  So my new plan was to buy a dingy and head out to sea with a boatload of Long John Silvers meals.  It turns out it takes a few years to solidify though.

Computer Ink Ripoff

The last two times that I have gone to the store to buy printer ink refills I have just ended up buying a whole new printer because it was cheaper than the ink.  Always look for deals on printers and compare them to the price of your ink.

Before the Decade is Over

Some time ago, let’s say last August, I was called in to sign something at a doctors office.  Next to the signature was a space for the date.  I wrote 8/6/7 in the date space.  The woman who gave me the paper looked at it and then said, ” I think you have to put 8/6/07.”  I then asked, “Should I put 08/06/07 or 008/006/007 ?”

It will be nice when this decade is over and I will no longer face the persecution for not wanting to put a “0” in my abbreviation for the year.  A person should be able to abbreviate a date as far as they can without confusing others.  I saw an ad on TV the other day for the Olympics and it said to watch starting on 8/8/08.  I thought, “What a shame.  It would be cooler if they had 8/8/8.” My family had a reunion on July 7th last year and everyone kept saying that it was going to be on “seven, seven, o’seven”. I think by now it should be clear that I said, “seven, seven, seven”.

It is a strange phenomenon that people cannot mentally depart from placing 2 digits in the year column.  Most of anyones life who lives in a single digit decade and lives longer than 20 years will be lived in years with double digit abbreviations and this leads to peoples inability to drop a digit for ten years.  Most months are written numerically with one digit and people have no problem switching between one and 2 digits.  Once we hit the year column people feel a need to use 2 spaces.  In an effort to out-smart-alec me some of you may think, “What did you do in the year 2000?”  Don’t be stupid, I used “0”, as I needed to denote the year.

In this decade I have not found another person who is taking part with me in this “Decade-Crusade”.  I have found people who agree, but I have never found anyone else who marks the year column of dates without a leading “0”.  I only have another year and a half before this issue is irrelevant for 90 years.  I would like to find other individuals who feel as I do on the matter.  If we can stand up and be counted I bet, ironically, we will still be in the single digits.  So far the tally is “01”.