Stages of a Restaurant

Hip, Fresh and New
Everyone is going there for lunch. You can usually count on waiting in a line or being on the list for a long time. The food is terrific and there may even be some new type of gimmick in use. They have big heaping helpings of whatever you order. This stage seems to last a while, but only long enough to get people hooked. This stage also includes the optional expansion mode where several other branches open up in various places.

Drop in Food Quantity
Suddenly one day when you stop by you notice that they didn’t fill the bowl all the way with rice or the burrito seems a little thinner. You feel ripped off a bit but the food still tastes good. In the back of your mind you imagine a meeting in the back of the kitchen where the employees are told to start skimping on stuff.

Drop in Food Quality
This visit is always the most sad one. They must have started ordering their beef from somewhere else and it just doesn’t taste right. Not only do you have to choke down the meal you purchased but you must choke back the tears.

The Long Absence
You protest the new choice of food supplier by not going back to the restaurant for a very long time. You hope that others are doing the same to send a message that the food is horrible now.

A Test Run
“We haven’t been to _______ in a while.” You think it might be safe to try again. When you arrive you find the prices are slightly higher than before which gives you hope that they picked a better food supplier. You are disappointed though as you find the food just isn’t as good as it used to be.

Joke Phase
This phase is reserved for places that consistently over time have had such bad food and/or service that the only thing they are good for is a punchline. Your friends will make jokes about it and if the restaurant was nationwide you will get some late night material out of it. After this point there are only two options.

Option 1 Re-branding
The restaurant will do everything they can to make people forget about the time that someone found a full toenail in that omelette; or that waitress who was extremely racist. They will update the logo and clean out the dining areas for the first time in years. The PR people will have the machines moving with new commercials showing plenty of happy black people eating off of clean dishes. This phase gives them a 50/50 chance of getting back on top or moving to the next option.

Option 2 Embrace It
There always has to be that place for loadies to go at 2am when they are hungry. Another important part of their customer base is the people who were too drunk for the bars to keep around. This grimey little establishment just has to have a toilet and something made with potatoes.