Tag: Cool

Posted on

Silly Vanilli (Yo, MTV Rapped)

I can proudly proclaim that I never liked Vanilla Ice. I had no idea what the kids at school were singing about when they started singing his song. I actually only ever knew the words to the Jim Carrey parody from In Living Color.

I was, however, nerdy enough to collect comic books for a while. A short time ago I was looking at my comics and I found a small unopened pack of cards that came with a Superman comic. It was a pack of “Yo, MTV Raps” cards. I have never liked rap so it was no wonder that they were unopened. I was curious to see what this time capsule could contain so I opened it up. Inside was a treasure trove of hilarious stuff and I will share the first bit of it with you here.

I love how it says that “he insists he’s not an actor.” Well, we insist he’s not a musician. Plus he made one of the most classically bad movies ever. It’s called “Cool as Ice” and if you want to have an MST3K night with your friends, rent this movie. You will have a ton of material. There will be more of these in the near future, cause these are too precious to not show.

Posted on

Bigfoot’s Roots

With all the recent hullabaloo surrounding Bigfoot, I thought I would let everyone know what the real story is.

A Sasquatch is very large, harry and elusive. To remain hidden for so long you must be very, very clever. It would take skills and possibly technology that are far beyond what we can come up with. One could even say that these skills could have been learned long ago, in a galaxy far away. That’s right, the Sasquatch race are descendants of Wookiees.

Think about it, any creature that can fix a hyperdrive can certainly avoid white trash with cameras. My guess is that they got tired of all the stupid fighting in their own galaxy and decided to plant themselves here on Earth. The only struggle they now have is avoiding crews from the Discovery Channel when they come by to shoot an hour long show about not seeing Bigfoot. I would bet that if someone finally did get too close to Bigfoot they would find a Wookiee Crossbow pointed right at them.

You may think, “Why don’t they want to be found?” I’ve got three words for you. George Lucas. If he finds any Wookiees living here on Earth, imagine the atrocities he could unleash on mankind. He already destroyed everyone’s childhood with a fourth Indiana Jones Movie and, of course, Episode 1, 2 and 3. If he finds real Wookiees he could do all kinds of sick, sadistic things. I bet he wants to branch out and ruin other great trilogies. He could make the Wookiees assist Marty McFly on an adventure through time that could take them back a long time ago, in that galaxy far away. “Who cares about 88 miles per hour Doc? We got light speed.” With all these horrendous things staring us in the face, I think it is best to leave Bigfoot alone.