Tag: True Story

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Say it First

I have spent a lot of time around manipulative and confrontational people and have noticed a few of their go-to weapons for different situations. One such weapon is to use a key phrase and use it quickly before the other person can say it. This is effective in frustrating the normal thought process and logic skills of the other person and elevating the discussion to an altercation. Here are three that are commonly heard:

“You can dish it out but you can’t take it”

If you can throw this statement at someone first you automatically make them look like someone who is getting their just desserts. They appear as though they have done great harm to many defenseless individuals and you appear to be the heroic avenger striking a blow for the little guy.

It must be noted that there actually are people who can dish it out and not take it, but the majority of uses for this phrase are not to honestly point out such individuals. Most uses are to make one person look better than another.

Best Defense: Remain calm and rational.

“You just have to get the last word. Don’t you?”

Sneaking this one in is a classic ploy used by those who no longer have any rebuttals for your points. The first person to say this will appear to be a person who is in control and does not need to have the last word. In reality the person to say this first really likes to have the last word.

Question: Who honestly cares who has a last word enough to point out that someone else wants the last word?
Answer: Someone who likes to have the last word.

By saying this first they are laying a trap for you. First of all, they usually end it with the question “Don’t you?” which automatically leaves a natural place for a response to the question, making you the person who is trying to have the last word. Just as with the first “Dish it out but can’t take it ” ploy, this statement actually takes two people out of a discussion about an issue and puts them into a discussion about something unrelated and stupid. Why, when discussing physics or dry erase boards, would we suddenly stop and talk about who wants the last word?

Best Defense: Say “Yes, I do have to have the last word.” Then return to the subject at hand. Or you can stoop to their level and accuse them of needing to have the next to last word. Then it gets really confusing and fun.

“You Never Call Me”

This is the one you will run into the most. This one comes from relatives and friends and is generally not geared towards stirring up drama like the first two are. Although I have experienced out-of-the-blue calls just to tell me that I haven’t called in a while. Saying this to someone first, once again, makes the recipient out to be the bad guy, it is your ticket to being the lonesome victim who has been neglected by an evil conversation miser.

The truth is that it takes two people to not contact each other. If you have not spoken to someone in months it is just as much your fault as it is theirs. This statement actually has the opposite effect than one might use it for. Let’s say I haven’t seen or talked to my cousin in a while and I want to see them more. I finally see them and what is the first thing I do when I see them? I accuse them and make them feel uncomfortable by using this statement. Hmmm, I wonder why they don’t call me.

Best Defense: Point out that your phone hasn’t exactly been ringing off the hook. Then if the other person doesn’t see the logic behind your statement, reach through the phone and slap them.

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My Brother Jared, The Hero – Setting the Record Straight

When Jared was younger, in addition to keeping me awake at night, he would enjoy playing with fire. He started a fire in the garage, burned a good amount of money, started a giant tumble weed on fire under a power line and many, many more. One day I told him to hold his hands out in a cupping shape. Then I filled his hands with Off insect repellent. I took a lighter to it and told him to hold still. I had done this trick to myself and thought it was cool. The pool of spray would burn down to your hands and get warmer till the spray had burned off, then you just hold your hands on the floor and snuff out the fire. When I lit Jared up he flipped out. He jumped up and let the spray out of it’s pool and it ran down his arms a bit and all over the back of his hands. He ran around flailing his arms like a madman with fire blazing from his limbs. I grabbed a blanket and told him to run back to me. We put the blanket around his arms and stopped the fire. No harm done. He was shaken up for a while and nothing seemed to catch fire around our house after that. Jared did not fear fire at all and after the Off experience he had a respect for fire.

Let’s move forward a few years. Jared was now in high school and I was visiting my family. I was sitting in a chair when Jared came home from school. He ran through the front door very quickly and headed back to hide in the bathroom. As he passed me he said, “If any reporters or anything come to the door, they want to talk about a fire, tell them I am not here.” A couple of minutes later, lo and behold, some reporters found their way to our house with notepads and a couple of cameras. In my mind I thought, “Did Jared light the school on fire?” After the reporters had gone I went back to talk to Jared. He told me that he had been in Chemistry class when his teacher was teaching about chemicals and such, when something someone was using caught on fire and spread like, well, like a wildfire. There was one girl who was near to the flames who was engulfed. Jared said he got a hold of the emergency blanket and ran to her. He bundled her up and took her out of the class. When he got out of the class where everyone had run to, he saw another student named David who had taken his shirt off, because it caught fire, and was stomping around the hall cussing his head off. Jared left the girl and took the blanket back in to put out the fire. He told me that the fire had gotten pretty huge and he threw the blanket down on part of it, but it just swirled around the blanket and almost got him. He said the smoke was really unbearable and he decided to head out of there. (I seem to recall that he put out fires on other students as well.)  When I saw Jared, he had no hair on his forearms and the hairs higher up his arm had curled ends. He said that he went to the football field house when the reporters came for him. He told the coaches to get rid of them. Then he bolted out of there to come home. He never took any recognition for what he had done. The guy named David that was cussing in the hallway was recognized as the hero of the incident for some reason. I think he was given some scholarship stuff and named as the honoree in some annual local award. I think he even got the key to the city. I have always wished that Jared had talked to the reporters. But I can’t say that I personally would have wanted any attention if I were in his shoes. It is easier to tell him to do it. Jared should have been in item number four on this list. I always thought Jared would be a firefighter or some kind of crocodile hunter. With this incident he pushed me more towards believing the former.

So now, almost a decade late, I give Jared a semi-public piece of recognition. He saved a girl’s life and took no credit. If you see him, shower him with praise. He is a hero.


Full Text

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Naming Your Car

Naming a car is an essential thing to do. Most people just go with referring to their automobile with names like “The Honda”, “The Red Car” or “The Truck”. You can do better than that, people, come on. I just got rid of my 1994 Jeep Cherokee, aka “The Rhinosaur” and I have recently been thinking about names for vehicles.

When naming a vehicle it is important that you actually use the name. Thus the name should not be stupid. Do not name the car based on its color. This is very important. Unless the car has a very unusual paint job, do not use it’s color as the basis for it’s name. The best names come from experiences, non-color traits of the vehicle and things that you have heard elsewhere that can apply. My Rhinosaur was named after a Soundgarden song, but, not just simply after the song. The name Rhinosaur sounds tough and invokes the image of a huge beast ready to charge at you. The Rhinosaur had been in 2 tornadoes back in Texas and had been hit by a trampoline in one of them. The outside of the car was covered in dents and scratches. The engine was an inline six cylinder engine which made the car move faster than one would think it would. There was even a Texas Longhorn logo in the back window which adds to the charging beast thought. These things all lead me to think of rhinos or dinosaurs.

Next, resist the urge to name the car immediately when you get it. It is not like a boat that must have a name before it can head out to sea. Allow some time to have some experiences with the vehicle and learn how it handles and how it treats you. When a defining moment for a vehicle happens you will know it. I have had a Jeep Compass for a year or so now and haven’t really had a good name until the other day when it snowed like crazy. That thing zips right through the snow. I watched three Suburbans in a row try to get up a hill near my house while I waited on a side street. None of them made it and they all turned away back down to the bottom of the hill in shame. I headed up and made it to the top just fine. So I am heavily considering naming the vehicle after Balto, the lead dog in the last leg of the 1925 serum run to Nome. While waiting for a name to come to you, it is perfectly acceptable to have a temporary name or to just say, “it is not named yet”.

Multiple names can be allowed but no more than two. In high school I would drive around my family’s 15 seater Dodge Ram van. I saw Shaquille Oneal on TV one day showing off a van that he had put speakers in. He called it “The Van of Death”. I started calling our van “The Van of Social Death”. A short time later I caught part of some TV show starring Sinbad. He was going to have to get a van to haul kids around in and he didn’t want to be a mega van person. That’s when our van took the moniker “The MegaVan”. Every once in a while it would still be jokingly called the Van of Social Death and people knew what was being talked about.

Be sure to always be aware of what vehicles are called in your house or amongst your friends. Years after the MegaVan was stolen, and no doubt employed in the human smuggling trade, my mother made reference to a vehicle called “The Woolly Mammoth”. She was actually referring to the MegaVan. You cannot rename a vehicle that has been given a name that is in wide use amongst others. It just will not work, so don’t try. It is also disrespectful of those that have come up with the previous names. So be sure to know what the names are or you will almost surely commit a party foul. I think my younger siblings similarly renamed our Honda Civic Wagon from the name that I had previously given it, “The Millenium Falcon”. There is a great story behind that name that I will share in the near future.

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Most “In a Hurry” Drivers

In my travels throughout the United States I have noticed, as many of you may have, that the driving customs change from area to area. I am now in Northern Virginia for Christmas and I went to do a little shopping last weekend. On my way to the store I noticed a few annoying things such as everyone going, at the very least, 15 over the speed limit and the all too common left turn while I am trying to right turn coming from the other way.

I went into the store and grabbed a shopping cart. The best way to get a feel for the attitude of local drivers is to go to a crowded store and push a grocery cart around. This provides a microcosm for you to study their driving methods without getting killed. I have never been cut off by so many shopping carts in my life. As I moseyed through the store grabbing what I needed I thought I was moving at a good quick pace, but I found myself constantly getting cut off and pushed out of where I wanted to go at the last second. The driving study was highlighted by the moment that I was hit from behind by some short lady. As I was leaving the parking lot I even got squeezed out of my place in line to get out of there. I will say that I did get to where I wanted to go quickly and efficiently, my only problem was that I took a lot of heat from other drivers even though I was going above the posted speed limits. And luckily I did not get hit from behind by someone in a car. If you don’t mind getting tailgated and cut off then Northern Virginia up around the Washington DC area is for you.

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The Cowboys and My Moment of Vindication

When I was a young lad I liked the Dallas Cowboys. I remember running around pretending to be Danny White while wearing my Cowboys shirt and toughskin jeans. It was a good time for the Cowboys, right around the end of their 20 years of consecutive winning seasons under legendary coach Tom Landry. Tom Landry invented the 4-3 defense and the Flex defense. He had been the coach for the Cowboys since they had been a team and had helped them to become a great football team. When I think of football in the old days before the mid 80’s I think of the Cowboys, then the Packers, then the Bears. No other teams really stand out historically to me.

Well, come time for the 1989 season and the purchase of the team by one Jerry Jones, Landry was fired and Jimmy Johnson was put in as his replacement. There was no trial period or time to wind down Landry with Johnson as an assistant. Worst of all there was no recognition for anything Landry had done. Usually when a legend leaves the game they have special ceremonies and name something after them. Not with Jerry Jones at the helm. He just fired Landry and kicked him out, no class and total disrespect. The Cowboys then had some of their worst years and when newly recruited players came they picked back up and won a few Super Bowls.

Landry didn’t say anything bad about Jones. He didn’t seem to mind getting no recognition. He met with his players one last time two days after getting the ax and told them how much he would miss them. As he broke into tears his players gave him a standing ovation. Landry represented class and dignity.

In my senior year in high school, near the end of the nineties, I did a research paper on crime and violence in professional sports. Most of my material came from players on the Cowboys. There were a few rapists, some had been charged with assault and many had drug charges as well. I am not saying that if Landry had been there everyone would be perfect, I am just saying he kept it down and Jerry Jones seems to enjoy the problem players and welcome them. I have not liked the Cowboys since Jerry Jones became the owner and I will not like them until he is gone.

I received some support and a sort of vindication in my long standing position when I read this satirical article. It is funny and sad.

Tom Landry died in February of 2000.
Quotes:

* “When you want to win a game, you have to teach. When you lose a game, you have to learn.”
* “Leadership is a matter of having people look at you and gain confidence, seeing how you react. If you’re in control, they’re in control.”
* “Leadership is getting someone to do what they don’t want to do, to achieve what they want to achieve.”
* “If you don’t know if your shoes are tied, look at your shoes.”

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Bad Boss

At one point I wanted to do construction for work. I enjoyed shop class in high school and I liked the drafting section so much that the teacher had to make extra assignments for me to keep me busy. While in college I was at talking to a man who owned a construction company when he asked me how much I was making at the telephone survey place I was working at. I told him $7.35 an hour and he started to laugh with another man who was with us. They talked for a little about many people starting at $14 an hour and the like. He told me to come by his office and he would give me a job and he said, with the laugh slightly reappearing, “Oh we can beat $7.35.” I was interested for sure. So I quit my other job and went on down. He gave me the initial talking to about construction and such then he sent me out on my first day of work. I came back and asked him, “What am I going to be paid?” He seemed to not remember laughing at my old wage at all and he asked me again how much I had been making. I told him $7.35 and he came back with “Well, we can put you at $8.00.” $8.00???? I had been a supervisor at a telephone survey company for $7.35. At that job I was inside all day, no manual labor, I got to associate with people all day and it was generally an enjoyable experience at the company for someone who doesn’t have to make phone calls. Now I was going to be working like a dog, sweating and hurting, outdoors many times and in many strange and dangerous places for an extra $0.65 an hour. Remember he laughed at my old wage. $0.65 does not warrant a laughable difference in wage. Especially with the difference in workload.

Well, I kept working for him for peanuts. I learned a few things that everyone should know about how to build and repair things. After working for him for a while he sent me to do a job at an Air Force base. On the base workers must get paid Davis and Bacon wages which is just a minimum that the government requires people building stuff for them get. I was excited as I was to get about $13.00 an hour. I also had to drive a couple of hours to get there everyday. My boss would only give me gas money for half of my trips. I took the early morning drive many times across ice and snow which slowed me down even more. The first paycheck did not include a gas reimbursement and I was told it would be added up near the end of the project. For the last two weeks of the project I put in 15 hours of overtime and was really excited for my check. When I got my check there was no gas reimbursment and my overtime hours had been taken off. I brought it up with my boss and he said I was going to have to talk to the guy who he had put in charge of the project. Like a sucker I just waited till I saw the other guy, which didn’t really happen unless it was a bad time to talk. Then I got laid off because the company had no more projects. I was soured on the construction business because my boss was an idiot and a liar.

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Work Work Work

My Grandpa taught my siblings and I what a good days work was. When I was thirteen we lived with our Grandparents for a bit and I cannot remember a Saturday when we did not have some project that we were assigned to do. Our tasks included helping Grandpa fix up a car for our Aunt, building a fence, helping to move an old shack to be used as a barber shop and of course, the usual mowing and caring for the yard. I appreciate the lessons learned now, but at the time it felt pretty brutal.

Flash forward a few years when I had moved closer to my grandparents to go to school. My brother Cole and I went down to our Grandparents house for Thanksgiving. We brought along our friend Dave and spent the night in the basement. In the morning we went out to throw a football around. We went to the front yard which had some snow in it. We were tossing the old pigskin around when my Grandpa came out and said, “You should go to the backyard where there is less snow.” We all thought, “Yeah that makes sense.” But there was still something in the back of our minds that didn’t seem right. Dave can smell manual labor from 10 miles away and disappeared into the house without saying anything. Cole and I went around to the back and hadn’t even thrown a pass when Grandpa said, “Hey, while you’re back here, come give me a hand with this.” We dropped the ball and went to help. It seemed like a 2 minute task. He wanted us to load an old fridge onto a trailer. We loaded it up easily enough then Grandpa asked us to drive it over to his shed and unload it. We got to the shed and we had to reorganize the shed with him. You can see how things just snowball.

Well, after we were done we went back into the house to find Dave. He was in the basement playing Grandma’s video games. Dave said he knew what was coming so he got out of there. That’s just fine, especially since he was a guest and shouldn’t have to work, it’s just funny that he disappeared so quickly.

We wouldn’t really remember just throwing a football around, but we definitely remember the time Grandpa tricked us into working on Thanksgiving morning.

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Public Service Announcement

As a public service I will proclaim another very important rule for life.

When it comes to money, if it sounds to good to be true, it is.

I have seen many people get suckered in by different schemes. “Oh I am getting a return at a huge interest rate for this thing I gave money to.” they’ll say. Or they try the secret shopper scam. Signing up for some company that will help you make cash after you buy a video tape or a membership from them is another one.

I once called to apply for a job that said I would be working retail for a sporting goods company. They scheduled me for an interview and I went in even though the whole thing seemed fishy. When I got there I found that 12 other people had been scheduled for an interview at the exact same time in the same room as me. A guy in a suit came into the room and began to cut through a boot with a knife. Then he started telling us all how great selling knives would be. Technically they had hunting knives, so it was sporting goods but it was not a real job. I saw that some of the people around me seemed to be getting excited about setting their own schedules and selling knives. I could not find that same excitement. When the guy stated how much money you could make selling knives after purchasing a video on how to set appointments I said, “Yeah right” to the people sitting next to me. I would throw out the random “Psshhht” or “Oh sure!!!” at a fairly low volume as he was speaking. Then I just got a really annoyed look on my face and folded my arms, shifting in my chair for a couple of minutes. The boot cutter then said, “Excuse me. Sir will you come outside with me?” I got up and went out. The guy then said, “I am guessing that you don’t really want to do this.” I said “Nope” then turned around and hurried off.

Don’t get scammed into doing something like what just happened to my brother, which also happened to this guy. Jobs pay you, not the other way around.

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Legal Discrimination

Treating people differently based on race, sex, religion or any other distinguishing characteristic is frowned upon by our society. In many cases it is actually illegal. With this in mind I would like to draw your attention to a blatant and unfair discrimination that is widely accepted.

As a 16 year old boy my mother threatened me with having to pay for my own car insurance. I called up a company looking for a quote and they told me that to be insured on an 8 year old Honda hatchback I would have to pay $128 a month. I talked to a 27 year old man that I knew who had a Fiero made in the same year as the Honda. He said he paid $16 a month for his insurance. I was stunned. I asked many people why I would be required to pay so much. The answer always came back that it was because I was male and under the age of 25. I hadn’t had an accident and had been a safe driver. The vast majority of accidents that I have seen or heard of have involved young girls in their teens or 20’s, but I was told that males under 25 had the highest number of accidents. That could still be true, but most of my experience has been otherwise. The real point is, what if insurance companies said, “Oh you’re Asian or Jewish or black and you have the highest chance of being in an accident so we will charge you more.” (I am not saying Asians, Jews or black people are bad drivers, they are just random examples.) That would not be a policy for very long if they tried it. So why can they get away with saying that males under 25 must pay more. It is discrimination and it is wrong. I could not control the fact that I was born a male and that I was born in a certain year. If I had caused an accident I could see my rate going up but not just for being a young man. I can also see the fact that they can choose to charge whatever they want as it is their business, but I still don’t like it.

Well, I don’t really have much to complain about as I really didn’t pay for insurance much before I was 25. My name is the same as my fathers so I was always listed on the insurance and I just didn’t have any on my red Cherokee for a few years which saved me a ton of cash. Now that I have a brand new Jeep I pay around $75 a month for two people to have full coverage. It is still a waste of money, as most insurance is, but it is a much better value for the waste.

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Pictures

You know how I like pictures of things that just seem a little off. Here are a couple more.

I keep picking on Chinese food establishments, but it’s because they give me so much ammo.

To me it looks like Grimace isn’t “Lovin it”